In recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I feel a strong urge to share my journey. After years of relentless struggle, I’ve found healing and freedom, and I aspire to help others recognize abuse and empower them to escape toxic situations.
An Open Letter to My Abuser:
I never imagined I would become just another statistic because of you. I never thought I would get so ensnared in the intricate and often misunderstood world of domestic violence. I never believed I would experience the horrors of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. I never thought I would wake up with you on top of me without my consent, or that you would hurl me into a busy street, or strike me in the face. I certainly never expected to find myself being lifted off the ground by my neck or becoming pregnant as a result of your abuse.
I couldn’t have predicted that I would wake up to you trying to break into my roommate’s home or that I would be sitting on a street corner with a police officer in New Orleans, who was urging me to report you. I never thought I’d endure the trauma of you dragging me down a hallway with my pregnant belly exposed. I never imagined scheduling an emergency appointment during my first pregnancy just to check on our unborn child after one of your violent outbursts. I couldn’t believe that my strong, independent spirit would become the target of a master manipulator, a charismatic narcissist who drained the very life out of me.
And yet, here we are. Nearly a decade later, I’m still standing. I’m a survivor.
The last time you inflicted harm, I made the courageous choice to leave. I packed my belongings while you were away, taking our child with me — safely nestled in my belly. My unwavering support system was waiting for me with open arms after years of isolation, ready to welcome me back and love me unconditionally.
When you last laid your hands on me, I decided enough was enough. I longed for better for our child (and myself). One night, as I cried in the shower, I vowed to our unborn baby that they would never grow up believing that toxic and abusive relationships were normal. I promised to provide a loving and stable home. I swore to protect them from the cycle of domestic violence that you perpetuated.
But I felt I failed. I felt I failed to shield our child from the dangers of domestic violence.
Wait. No. I refuse to bear that blame. I have broken free from your grasp, and you can no longer control me. I won’t let you make me feel guilty for your actions. You are the one who failed to protect our child from witnessing domestic violence. You are the one who assaulted your wife in front of our child. You are the one who choked her, punched out windows, and verbally abused her while our child looked on. You had police show up at our home because of your violence. You set a poor example of how a man should treat a woman.
You. Failed.
Despite everything you put me and our child through, I owe you a strange thank you. Your abuse forced me to discover a strength I never knew existed. It made me realize my worth. It led me to promise both our child and myself that healthy, loving relationships are indeed possible. Without your abuse, I wouldn’t be the mother, wife, friend, sister, or person I am today. And without it, I wouldn’t have the greatest blessing from the darkest period of my life: our child.
To my abuser, I never thought I would survive to write this letter to you. Yet here I stand.
Sincerely,
One of your victims
P.S. To anyone who has experienced or is experiencing domestic violence: there is a light at the end of this nightmare. If you’re open to it, happiness awaits. Love is possible if you allow yourself to heal. Healthy relationships do exist, and I urge you to find your reason to escape. You deserve better. If you want more information on healthy relationships, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. For more about the journey of self-insemination, visit this informative post and explore this authority on home insemination kits.
Summary
This powerful letter from a domestic violence survivor not only addresses the abuser but also encourages others in similar situations to find strength and seek healthier relationships. The author reflects on her journey towards healing and emphasizes the importance of breaking free from toxic environments.