Reflecting on 14 years of marriage feels akin to reaching a significant milestone on a long journey. Our vows were exchanged on a brisk autumn Saturday many years ago, and while we had spent five years together prior, looking back, I realize we were still strangers in many respects.
The real understanding of marriage unfolded in the years that followed. On that day, I was simply enamored with a charming, intelligent man, and my wedding dress was stunning. I had all the traditional elements: something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Yet, the deeper truths of marriage were never shared with me.
Fourteen years may not seem extraordinary, but it’s long enough for me to grasp that marriage transcends the grandeur of the wedding. It’s not about the extravagant dress or the florist mishap that almost made me weep. The reception music, the countless photographs, and that overly ornate cake that cost a fortune—none of it holds the true essence of marriage.
What I’ve come to understand is that marriage is profoundly more significant, with love and authentic emotions emerging much later. It’s about commitment during tough times when walking away seems like the easier route. It’s about finding forgiveness even when trust has been shattered.
Respect is crucial, especially when faced with disrespect. It’s about showing empathy during our hardest losses and offering love when one partner feels uncertain about the future. It involves seeking help from marriage counselors over the years, striving for better communication. It’s admitting mistakes, even if my partner, Jake, jokingly insists I’m never wrong.
Laughter also plays a vital role, especially when emotions run dry. Like those chaotic nights as new parents, overwhelmed with challenges, we still found humor in the chaos. Believing in each other, even when self-doubt looms, is essential. Supporting one another through physical changes, whether weight gain or loss, is part of the journey too.
It’s about finding the strength to care for our four children, tackling homework struggles, diaper changes, and still managing to get through bath time and brushing teeth. Patience is key during sleepless nights with fussy babies or prolonged bouts of anxiety in our children.
Encouraging an anxious child, whom we know possesses immense potential, is part of the deal. Sharing in devastation during critical health crises requires immense compassion and strength. Caretaking during illness reveals depths of kindness we might not have known we possessed.
Holding it together amidst medical challenges, while remembering the vibrant person you fell in love with, is crucial. The love we share now is deeper than the initial butterflies of our first date, surpassing even the passion of our wedding night—though perhaps we were a bit too tipsy to fully appreciate it!
The moment of pure joy arises when you realize you couldn’t love anyone or anything more than your partner—until you gaze into the eyes of your child. The vows we exchanged have become the fabric of our daily lives, weaving through the ups and downs together, in sickness and in health, through thick and thin.
This is what I’ve gleaned about marriage, and ultimately, it’s all that truly matters.
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Summary: Marriage is about more than the wedding day; it’s a journey of love, commitment, and resilience through life’s challenges. As partners navigate parenthood, health crises, and emotional struggles, the true essence of marriage is revealed in shared experiences and unwavering support.