When my son was younger, he certainly wasn’t a “go with the flow” type. His world had to conform precisely to his preferences, and if it didn’t, we were all in for a struggle.
This behavior was evident even in his infancy. At just 6 months old, I remember him sitting on our lawn, meticulously uprooting dandelions. When it was time to head inside, I lifted him, triggering an intense wail that echoed through the neighborhood. It wasn’t just a mild cry; it was a full-blown scream, punctuated by tiny fists shaking in frustration. He gazed longingly at the dandelions we were leaving behind, and when I placed him back on the grass, his tears transformed into a beaming smile. But the moment I lifted him again, the wails returned, accompanied by flushed cheeks.
It was astonishing to witness such a strong display of emotion from a baby. This child clearly had deep feelings about those innocent dandelions.
His struggles went beyond transitions. After he started eating solid foods, he became an incredibly picky eater. If a food didn’t meet his standards, he would simply refuse it, clamping his mouth shut. Clothing was another battle; he couldn’t tolerate tags or scratchy fabrics and often complained of being too hot or cold.
As a toddler and even into his early school years, he was prone to dramatic tantrums that seemed impossible to diffuse. His emotional responses could escalate from a minor irritation to an extreme outburst in mere seconds.
If I’m being honest, his intensity sometimes overwhelmed me. Like many parents of strong-willed children, I found myself questioning my parenting abilities. I often felt frustrated, even traumatized, by what I perceived as a small tyrant attempting to control our lives.
Yet, despite these challenges, he was a remarkable child. From a young age, his intellect shone through; he was thoughtful, creative, and curious. He had a love for reading, storytelling, and numbers, demonstrating remarkable skills such as reading at three and grasping fractions by four. He was even assessed as “highly gifted” before entering kindergarten.
For a long time, I struggled to understand his intensity. While it was easy to label him as “stubborn” or “strong-willed,” I recently discovered that those terms might not fully capture his essence. In my quest for understanding, I stumbled upon Dr. Elaine Aron’s research on “highly sensitive persons” (HSP). As someone who has often been labeled as sensitive myself, I found clarity in her descriptions of HSP traits. Suddenly, my own need for quiet, my emotional depth, and my ability to empathize with others felt validated. I realized I wasn’t alone; I belonged to the 20% of the population with the “highly sensitive” gene.
Initially, it didn’t cross my mind that my son might also be highly sensitive. Although he can be self-absorbed and isn’t particularly introverted, upon reviewing the checklist for sensitive children, I saw that he exhibited nearly every characteristic. His sensitivity to food, textures, and his perfectionist tendencies all aligned with the traits outlined by Dr. Aron.
She emphasizes that highly sensitive individuals possess normal, inherent traits that are frequently misinterpreted. Had I misunderstood my son all these years? Perhaps he wasn’t merely a stubborn child; he was simply sensitive, absorbing the world around him more intensely than others and feeling everything on a deeper level.
Reflecting on my approach, I recognized that I had been overly harsh at times. While I understood that his intensity stemmed from his giftedness, my patience sometimes waned. I also realized that my own sensitivity made it challenging to brush off his strong emotions.
Now at age 10, he is blossoming into a mature, perceptive individual. He has become much better at managing his emotions and can recognize when he’s being unreasonable. Though he still experiences moments of frustration and remains fiercely independent, the dramatic tantrums are a thing of the past.
As he navigates middle childhood, what stands out most is his profound thoughtfulness. During our bedtime talks, he shares his worries about school, friendships, and the world at large. He picks up on subtleties that others might overlook and often seeks my help to process his feelings.
I feel fortunate that he regards me as a confidante, a safe space where he can untangle his thoughts. While I sometimes regret my impatience, I know we share a deep bond. Both being highly sensitive people, we love deeply and understand each other in unique ways.
As a parent, my greatest hope is that the world will be kind to him. I aim to help him see his sensitivities as strengths, guiding him through the challenges and accepting him as the extraordinary child he is. For more insights on navigating sensitive parenting, visit this link.
Summary:
The journey of parenting a highly sensitive child can be challenging and enlightening. Through personal reflection and research, one mother discovers that her son’s intense emotions and preferences are part of being highly sensitive. This realization fosters a deeper understanding of her son’s needs and strengths, emphasizing the importance of compassion and patience in parenting.