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Why Jealousy Over My Day in Bed Misses the Point
As I lie in bed, I find it nearly impossible to rise. Just rolling over to reach my laptop has taken all the energy I can muster. For the past 18 hours, I’ve been trapped in this cycle, staring blankly at the wall, drifting in and out of sleep. My mind feels like a battlefield while my body remains anchored to the mattress. It’s been four days since I last showered.
With a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder, days like this are not uncommon for me.
During conversations, I often share my experiences honestly. When asked how my week is going, I might say, “It’s been okay; I spent the whole day in bed yesterday.” The usual response is something along the lines of, “Oh, I’m so jealous! You’re so lucky to have that time. I wish I could do the same, but I have work and other responsibilities.” This reaction frustrates me deeply; I never chose to spend the day in bed, nor do I find any joy in it.
Contrary to what others may think, I don’t relish these moments of inactivity. Yes, on good days, I can appreciate a lazy day of rest, but today is far from that. My entire body aches as if invisible weights are holding me down, making even the thought of getting up feel like a monumental task. Simple activities—like doing the dishes or brushing my teeth—seem insurmountable.
The weakness I feel is overwhelming. It’s hard not to shame myself for still being in bed at 7 p.m. I know I can conquer this; I have to be able to. But on days like today, depression and anxiety dominate.
Guilt floods my mind. I know I should be using my time more productively, responding to messages, and keeping plans. This morning, I called in sick to work just 15 minutes before my shift. I fought with myself over the decision. I told my manager that I had a fever and was vomiting. In reality, I am unwell—but admitting that my mental health is failing me is still stigmatized.
I was meant to hit the gym and reconnect with an old friend today, but I sent a message instead: “Sorry, I can’t make it. I’ve been in bed all day.” Canceling plans like these is heartbreaking.
In my mind, I battle with feelings of inadequacy. Shame tells me I am a bad employee, a bad friend, and that I should be able to get out of bed. These negative thoughts amplify the struggle to rise.
It may seem as though I am not putting up a fight today, but I know I am battling, even when it feels like I am losing. When I manage to quiet those inner demons, I recognize my strength. I hold onto the hope that tomorrow will be brighter.
So, if you feel envious of my day spent in bed, please reconsider. This is not a luxury I would wish upon anyone.
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Summary
This article explores the misconceptions surrounding mental health struggles, particularly regarding days spent in bed due to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. It emphasizes the importance of understanding that these experiences are not enviable or luxurious but rather a significant challenge faced by many.