Depression is often described as a silent struggle, much like a frog gradually succumbing to heat. Many people, including myself, have experienced this gradual descent into sadness without even realizing the water was getting hotter. During my first year of university, I transitioned from a joyful individual to someone engulfed in despair. Everyday tasks became monumental challenges; something as simple as showering felt insurmountable. Eventually, I sought help from a psychiatrist, who confirmed my struggle with clinical depression.
Reflecting back, I realize that while I was grappling with my mental health, many of my friendships were also impacted. Instead of offering support, some friends attempted to diminish my feelings, fix my situation, or simply ignored the issue altogether. I understand their confusion, but if I could share some insights from my experience, it would be with the hope of guiding others in similar situations.
Understand That It’s Not Personal
When a friend is dealing with an illness—let’s say a broken leg—it’s easy to empathize with their irritability and mood swings. You recognize that their pain is real and not a reflection of your friendship. Depression, although less visible, brings with it similar challenges. If your friend seems distant or irritable, remember that their struggle is not a reflection of your worth. They are genuinely unwell, and recovery is a journey.
Resist the Urge to Fix
It’s natural to want to help fix what seems broken, but this instinct can often lead to missteps. I recall friends suggesting I simply “count my blessings” or that a good workout would lift my spirits. Such comments can be dismissive and may unintentionally amplify feelings of guilt or inadequacy. It’s vital to recognize that your friend is already receiving medical support. What they truly desire is your presence and understanding, without any conditions attached.
Be a Consistent Friend
Your friend still values your relationship, and they appreciate your support. Continue to treat them as you always have. Offer to pick up their favorite coffee or prepare a meal for them. Small acts of kindness, like helping with chores or checking in with a casual text, can make a significant difference. Share updates from your life to remind them of the connection you share. It’s essential to treat them as the wonderful individual they are, regardless of their current struggles.
As noted by insightful writers like Brené Brown, true friendship involves embracing both strengths and weaknesses. This means loving your friends not just for their brighter moments but for the darker ones too.
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Summary
Supporting a friend with depression involves empathy, patience, and an unwavering presence. It’s essential to understand their struggle is not personal and to refrain from trying to “fix” them. Instead, continue to offer your friendship and support as you always have, reminding them they are valued.