As I nestled in the rocking chair this afternoon with my baby, Max, preparing him for a nap, I found myself scrolling through various parenting posts online. I stumbled upon a heated discussion about sleep training, with parents fiercely divided on whether it is beneficial or harmful for children. Critics argued that sleep training contradicts the principles of gentle parenting, citing research that claims it can negatively impact a child’s development.
Well, let me tell you something: I sleep-trained my baby too, and it has transformed our family life for the better. It frustrates me that there’s a stigma attached to this process, making parents like myself feel as if we should keep it a secret or be ashamed of our choices.
To clarify, “sleep training” refers to the process of teaching your child to fall asleep independently and comfortably. As explained by our pediatrician, every person—be it you, your partner, or your baby—experiences awakenings throughout the night. Adults have learned to cope with these interruptions, but infants often require guidance and reassurance to understand that waking in the dark isn’t frightening. While the “cry-it-out” method has garnered negative attention, there are many alternative strategies available: verbal comfort, the pick-up-put-down (PUPD) approach, a consistent bedtime routine, and graduated extinction, among others.
It’s important to note that sleep training does not equate to leaving your child to cry alone for extended periods. If you’re employing such a harsh method (and here I may be a bit judgmental), that’s simply not okay.
I, too, resisted the notion of sleep training for a long time. I felt that catering to my baby’s every nighttime need was the only way to show my love. I created an elaborate pre-bedtime routine, convinced that if I just dimmed the lights perfectly and spoke softly enough, Max would sleep soundly. My partner, Jake, tolerated my quirks with admirable patience, adhering to my nighttime demands, such as how to hold the baby before bed.
However, the relentless exhaustion and helplessness I was experiencing began to take a toll on my well-being. We tried everything: frequent feedings, warm baths, soothing massages, co-sleeping, and an array of sleep aids. Even with all that effort, Max still woke every one to two hours, crying.
Before anyone criticizes me for not putting in enough effort, let me assure you that I tried every possible method. Ultimately, the combination of PUPD, verbal reassurance, and graduated extinction worked best for us. I made it a priority not to let Max cry for long stretches. Although “no-tear” approaches may take longer to implement, they are effective. A key change was that I stopped nursing him to sleep. Instead, we established a routine that included a bath (when it was bath night), putting on pajamas, and a feeding session. If Max fell asleep during the feeding, I would gently wake him before reading a story. It was just unconventional enough to work. It became crucial to place him in the crib while he was still awake, so he learned that it was time to sleep.
Our sleep training journey successfully taught Max to fall asleep and stay asleep. While we occasionally face setbacks—especially after trips or significant life changes—I’ve learned to recognize the difference between a cry of distress and one of mere protest. If he’s genuinely upset, I’ll comfort him; if he’s merely expressing discontent at bedtime, I allow him to express that frustration. In no time, he’s off to dreamland.
What surprised me most was how quickly our nights became more peaceful. Despite our attempts at gentle parenting, Max would often wake in distress every few hours. After beginning our sleep training, his night awakenings diminished significantly. Now, when he cries, it’s usually just a brief fuss before he settles back down. If he does wake out of fear or hunger, I’m there to reassure him. This new routine has created a sense of calmness for both him and me.
In the midst of all the parenting discussions—debates on breastfeeding duration, opinions on stay-at-home parenting—let’s remember the importance of gathering information and trusting our instincts. We need to honor our unique parenting journeys.
I have no regrets about sleep training. If you can respect my choices, I’ll certainly respect yours. For more insights on parenting, you might find this blog about intracervical insemination interesting, and if you’re looking for authoritative resources, check out Make a Mom’s guide on home insemination, as well as Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation.
Summary:
In this article, I share my experience with sleep training my baby, Max, emphasizing that this process is about helping children learn to fall asleep independently rather than leaving them to cry alone. Despite initial resistance, I found that implementing certain techniques led to more peaceful nights for both Max and myself. Ultimately, I encourage parents to trust their instincts and make choices that work best for their families.