In my early twenties, just before tying the knot, I vividly recall a provocative radio DJ discussing how, during his own twenties, sex was his top priority. It was his foremost desire, always at the forefront of his mind. As I listened, I was in full agreement; my own list mirrored his, with sexual desire occupying a significant spot. However, he went on to explain that by his late thirties, his priorities had shifted, and sex had moved down his list. He mentioned preferring to watch a football game, dine out with friends, or even take a nap instead of engaging in sexual activity.
I remember sitting at a traffic light, chuckling at his words, convinced he was exaggerating. Part of my youthful self questioned if there was something amiss with him. After all, he was a man, just like I was, and the idea of not wanting sex constantly seemed absurd.
Now, at almost 36, I find myself resonating with that DJ. Having been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman, the mother of my three children and truly my best friend, I realize that my sexual desires have evolved. I’m still attracted to her—probably more than when we first met—but I don’t always feel the urge for sex as I did in my twenties.
Balancing a full-time job at a university and part-time writing, along with the demands of three kids who often need attention at odd hours, has reshaped my priorities. Sometimes, I’d honestly rather take a nap or enjoy a quiet evening on the couch with my wife watching Netflix than engage in sex. There are even moments when I crave a solitary bike ride to clear my mind from the stresses of family life.
This doesn’t diminish my masculinity or my attraction to my wife; it simply reflects the natural changes that come with aging. It’s a normal transition.
While I don’t presume to represent all men, I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. Many men are deeply in love with their partners and dedicated to their families, yet their desires for sex may not hold the same urgency they once did. It’s no longer a relentless craving, but rather, a more nuanced aspect of our lives.
In fact, I’ve witnessed how an unchecked libido can damage relationships. In my own family, my father’s pursuit of sex led to the unraveling of his marriages, ultimately leaving him isolated. Now, having experienced a loving partnership, I recognize that the emotional connection with my wife far surpasses the importance of sex. This shift in libido has helped me focus on what truly matters—my family.
Reflecting on this change, I find gratitude in the evolution of my desires.
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In summary, as men age, it’s common for libido to diminish, and this change is entirely natural. It doesn’t reflect a lack of love or attraction; rather, it highlights the importance of emotional connections over mere physical desires.