I vividly recall those lengthy afternoons when my mother would return home, utterly exhausted from her job. After greeting us post-school, she would quickly whip up dinner before retreating to her bedroom for a much-needed nap. More often than not, she would wake just in time to serve us, but other times, we were left to fend for ourselves.
The same applied to homework. While she ensured we completed our assignments, there was minimal oversight or guidance. She expected us to cultivate independence from a young age. By second grade, I was preparing my own lunches, washing dishes, and helping to maintain the household. I frequently babysat my younger brother; it was simply how our family functioned, and I accepted it.
Yet, I also felt a deep sense of resentment at times. I found myself comparing my mother to others — those who baked cookies and had tidy homes. I envied mothers who attended school events, participated in the PTA, and appeared cheerful at all times (or so my imagination suggested). My mother, a special education teacher, spent her days managing emotionally troubled children, sometimes facing aggression from them. I recognized the immense effort she put in and how exhausted she was.
Despite financial challenges, we always had our necessities met, primarily because my mother worked tirelessly to provide for us, even with minimal support from my father. Emotionally, she was present as well. While there were moments of raised voices and conflicts, our home was a sanctuary where we could express ourselves freely, where our emotions were acknowledged, and we felt loved unconditionally.
Still, I yearned for something different — perhaps even someone different. At times, I felt angry with my mother. Couldn’t she summon a bit more energy for us? Why couldn’t she be more involved in our lives? Why did I have to shoulder so much responsibility at such a young age? I understood early on that I was maturing faster than my peers, carrying a weight that felt overwhelming.
It has taken nearly three decades for me to recognize that my feelings of anger and resentment were misdirected. I now understand the exhaustion of parenting, especially as a working mother, but I have a partner who shares the responsibilities. I cannot fathom the struggles my mother faced as a single parent.
What I do know is that I still feel the heartache of that little girl who wanted more from her mother, but I no longer hold her accountable for our circumstances. Instead, I hold a culture accountable for normalizing the abandonment of families by fathers. I critique a legal system that allowed a wealthy married man to contribute a mere $200 a month for two children. I also criticize a government that has historically provided insufficient support for struggling single parents.
My mother worked tirelessly and gave her best. She was a good mother, but she was limited by the lack of support she deserved. She often expresses her regret at not having the energy to do more — to be the mother I strive to be today, attending PTA meetings and engaging with my children on their homework (though I admit, it’s not an everyday occurrence).
I recognize that single mothers do not seek our pity. Each has their unique challenges and victories, many of which differ from my mother’s experiences. However, this is the message I wish to convey to all single moms: Just show up. Do your best. Love your children unconditionally, and provide them with a safe emotional environment — that is what truly matters. Remember that you can’t be more than one individual. Additionally, take care of your own needs, as no parent can pour from an empty cup.
My mother may not have been perfect, but no mother is. I now see her as an extraordinary woman who managed to create a good life for her children despite facing significant obstacles. Her strength and resilience have profoundly influenced me.
I am the child of a remarkable single mother, and I regret having ever thought otherwise. If you’re interested in exploring parenting and pregnancy topics, check out this informative post on home insemination or learn about fertility supplements here. For more extensive information on pregnancy, consider visiting this resource.
Summary
The article reflects on the author’s childhood experiences with her single mother, acknowledging the challenges and the strength displayed by single mothers. It emphasizes the importance of love, emotional safety, and self-care for single parents while recognizing the systemic issues that contribute to their struggles.