By: Janelle Harper
Date: Jan. 26, 2018
From a young age, I recognized my attraction to women, which began when I was just 11 years old. Alongside this, my feelings for men were equally profound and undeniable. Although I have entered into more romantic relationships with men, this does not lessen my attraction to women. I am a proud bisexual woman, and my identity is not defined solely by my relationships.
Having spent years in a committed relationship with a man, during which we welcomed a child, I still find myself attracted to women. Being a mother does not negate my bisexuality; it simply adds another layer to my identity. There is a misconception that if I predominantly engage with men, my bisexuality is somehow invalidated. This is far from the truth.
One of the significant challenges I’ve faced in embracing my bisexual identity has been the struggle for acceptance and respect from those around me. As a teenager, many friends dismissed my bisexuality as a mere phase, unaware that I had been navigating these feelings privately since my early teenage years. When I expressed an attraction to women but primarily dated men, others often tried to invalidate my feelings.
Even when I didn’t openly talk about my attractions, they were always present. I didn’t hang posters of pop stars like Mariah Carey simply because I admired their talents; I found them attractive. However, I hesitated to express this openly, fearing dismissal from my peers. My personal space became a sanctuary where I could embrace my true self.
At 17, I had my first relationship with a woman. Though it was short-lived and primarily physical, it was a pivotal experience that affirmed my feelings. Unfortunately, my friends downplayed its significance, which led me to focus exclusively on relationships with men. When I shared my bisexuality with men, it was often met with fetishization and misunderstanding, leading me to keep that part of my identity largely to myself until recently.
In October, I made the brave decision to come out publicly to my family and friends. The support I received was overwhelmingly positive, yet, I was taken aback by the number of friends who confided in me that they, too, identify as bisexual but have felt unable to express this due to societal pressures. Many of them, like me, are mothers who find themselves attracted to women but feel constrained by their current relationships with men.
Now that I’m single, I remain open to the possibility of dating a woman, should the right opportunity arise. The dating scene is challenging, especially while caring for a young child, yet I am willing to explore what the future holds. There is a woman across the country who intrigues me, and she is aware of my parenting role and past relationships. I understand that reactions to my bisexuality will vary, but simply acknowledging my feelings for her is a significant step forward.
As I navigate the complexities of potentially explaining a same-sex relationship to my four-year-old son, I realize this adds another layer of consideration. He has only known me as a single parent since his father and I separated when he was an infant. While I have taught him about the diversity of romantic relationships, I worry about how he will perceive my attraction to women.
The future remains uncertain, but one truth stands firm: my bisexuality is unwavering. Regardless of the number of relationships I may have or the gender of my partners, my identity as a bisexual woman is intrinsic to who I am. It cannot be quantified or diminished by societal norms. To my fellow bisexual mothers feeling uncertain or lesser, know that your identity remains valid. You are not alone in this journey.
For more insights and resources about navigating motherhood and bisexuality, check out this informative post on home insemination kit and learn from the experts at Make a Mom, who provide valuable information on self insemination. Additionally, Medical News Today offers excellent resources to further your understanding of pregnancy and fertility.
Summary
This article explores the intersection of motherhood and bisexuality, emphasizing that one’s identity is not diminished by their romantic choices. The author shares personal experiences of coming out, navigating relationships, and the challenges of being a bisexual mother. The message is clear: bisexuality is a valid identity that persists regardless of one’s relationship status or the gender of their partners.