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A Commitment to Being a Different Mother
My path through pregnancy has been far from smooth. During my initial trimester, I battled relentless morning sickness and nausea that lingered well into the afternoon. By the second trimester, I was plagued with debilitating migraines—every single day. To top it all off, my husband and I decided to move from our cherished city of Denver to Houston during this challenging time. I left my job, feeling as if I had lost a vital part of my identity. With 20 weeks still ahead in my first pregnancy, life felt overwhelming.
Then came the news: I was having a girl.
Initially, I claimed that I had no preference, but deep down, I yearned for a boy. I believed that a son would be easier to raise. More importantly, I was terrified—truly terrified—of having a daughter. I couldn’t articulate why, but the fear consumed me. I attempted to muster excitement, but I found it hard. I already loved her—how could I not?—yet I craved a different outcome.
After yet another tear-filled day in our new Houston home, waiting for my husband to return from a grueling 12-hour shift, I realized I needed professional help. My life felt upside down: I was unemployed, friendless, and pregnant.
In therapy, I uncovered my fears about having a daughter: I was afraid of becoming like my mother.
My mom was a stay-at-home parent who undoubtedly loved me and my sister, yet she was often controlling and emotionally distant. Hugs were few and far between. We never enjoyed those special mother-daughter outings or established memorable traditions. Her fixation on our diets was overwhelming; she would refuse to buy a food again if we had eaten it all. Holiday decorations were nonexistent, as she dismissed them as just temporary clutter.
Despite being a different person than my mother, I fear adopting her traits. I recognize some of her tendencies in myself: I struggle with healthy eating (often refusing to eat if “healthy” options aren’t available), have controlling inclinations (thinking I always know best), and have worked hard to become more emotionally expressive and nostalgic.
Now, as I prepare to welcome a daughter, I am determined not to repeat the past. I do not want to monitor her eating habits or label her as “fat.” I refuse to control her choices or dictate her life decisions. I will not stand at her doorway to criticize.
Above all, I am afraid.
Understanding these fears equips me with the strength to break the cycle. Yet, the weight of the responsibility to be a loving and supportive mother feels overwhelming. I worry about the potential for my antepartum struggles to extend into postpartum challenges.
So here is my promise to my unborn daughter: I love you, and I will fiercely protect you. I aspire for you to grow into a strong woman who believes in herself and her capabilities. I want you to feel cherished. I will hug you daily, even during those teenage years when you might resist it. I will work tirelessly to ensure you never feel unworthy. Our home will be festively decorated for every holiday. We will embark on adventures and explore the world together. I will love you endlessly.
I know I am not destined to be my mother, and this realization is the first step toward the parent I aspire to become.
*For those considering home insemination, there are various resources available, including March of Dimes, which provides excellent advice on fertility treatments, or Make A Mom for authoritative products on home insemination. Additionally, please review our privacy policy for more information.*
Summary: This article shares a personal journey of a woman navigating her pregnancy and her fears of becoming like her mother. It highlights her determination to break the cycle of emotional distance and control, vowing to create a nurturing environment for her soon-to-be-born daughter.