It’s official: my three-and-a-half-year-old, Liam, is finally potty trained! Cue the celebration! This milestone feels monumental, especially after my partner and I briefly entertained the notion that he might graduate high school still wearing Pull-Ups.
As promised, here’s a detailed account of how to navigate the complexities of potty training your child in 36 challenging and often exasperating steps.
- Initially assume that potty training will be a breeze and set wildly optimistic expectations.
- Gradually revise your expectations—lower them significantly. Now lower them even more.
- Purchase a $45 character-themed potty from an online retailer, complete with a handle that plays a catchy tune when “flushed.”
- Place this pricey potty in your bathroom, where it will soon transform into mere decor.
- Discover that your child prefers to remain in diapers rather than use the fancy potty.
- Endure the catchy tune playing endlessly as your child gleefully pulls the handle while still in diapers.
- Inquire if your child wants to use the potty, only to witness a full-blown tantrum.
- Buy themed underwear featuring his favorite characters to spark interest.
- Dress your enthusiastic child in the new underwear, only to find he still opts for diapers.
- Transition to Pull-Ups.
- Attempt to incentivize potty use with candy.
- End up giving away a mountain of candy as your child learns to delay urination for treats.
- Realize your child continues to pee in Pull-Ups and decide to pause until he shows readiness.
- Change an incredibly messy diaper one day, prompting you to tackle potty training again.
- Observe your child choose to relieve himself outside, leading you to realize he understands the concept of potty training.
- Let him spend a weekend without clothes to encourage potty use.
- Celebrate the first successful use of the potty with a reward of Play-Doh.
- Spend the following week extracting Play-Doh from the carpet.
- Watch in horror as your child pees in one of your favorite shoes.
- Breathe a sigh of relief when the weekend ends, and you can regain some sanity.
- Keep your child without clothes at home to promote potty training success.
- Try to convince the babysitter to allow him to stay naked; receive an emphatic refusal.
- Decide it’s time to try big kid underwear once more.
- Persuade him that superheroes wear big boy underwear (even Batman wears his over his costume!).
- Spend countless hours in the bathroom, holding an iPad and playing repetitive songs while your child struggles to use the potty.
- Celebrate a few “successful” potty moments.
- Clean up numerous accidents around the house, totaling about seventeen times.
- Retrieve the beloved action figure that your child accidentally dropped into the potty after a successful attempt.
- Discard several pairs of underwear due to unmanageable messes.
- Wake up multiple times during the night due to nighttime accidents.
- Recognize that your child is finally grasping the concept of using the potty.
- Celebrate his progress and express pride in his efforts.
- Acknowledge that he is 99% potty trained after a lengthy year.
- Store the unused $45 potty in the basement for his future sibling.
- Experience a mini heart attack when taking him to a public restroom, only to witness him sit on the unsanitary seat before you can intervene.
- Conclude that perhaps you should have set even more modest expectations, but celebrate the end of diaper purchases by considering another baby.
There you have it—a thorough guide to potty training in 36 challenging steps. Anyone can achieve this! You can thank me in a year when you’ve navigated this journey.
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Summary:
Potty training can be a complex and often frustrating process, requiring patience and creativity. This guide outlines 36 steps that highlight the challenges many parents face, from unrealistic expectations to the eventual triumph of success. By understanding the journey, parents can approach potty training with a sense of humor and resilience.