As I log into the online school portal to review my seventh grader’s latest progress report, I’m struck by the absence of any grades above a D. The sight of all those low marks feels like someone has taken the first few letters of the alphabet away. While I’m not surprised—my son’s academic performance has been a persistent challenge—it’s not due to a lack of intelligence or ambition.
From the outset, I believed school would be a breeze for him. Early on, there were even conversations about advancing him a grade because he was reading before he could walk and possessed a vocabulary that surpassed many adults. He had a burning curiosity, especially for science, and could identify all the vertebrae in the human spine by age three. If you had asked me back then how he would fare in seventh grade, I would have envisioned him thriving at the top of his class rather than struggling to get by.
However, as he entered school, ADHD began to manifest. His symptoms overshadowed his promise. Concentration became a significant hurdle, resulting in a constant state of distraction. Despite medication, his grades plummeted, leading to his removal from the gifted program due to poor test scores. The issue was not that he was failing school; rather, the school system was failing him. Traditional classroom settings were often ill-suited for his learning style, despite attempts to accommodate him, such as allowing him to use an exercise ball instead of a chair.
We eventually made the decision to withdraw him from public school in favor of an online program, which has had its benefits. Yet, despite the change in environment, he remains unmotivated academically, completing assignments with the enthusiasm of a donkey trudging through mud. When faced with test questions, it often seems as if the material has never registered in his mind.
This situation has created frustration for both of us. He feels the pressure from teachers to improve, while I grapple with the realization that he has the potential to excel in areas outside of academics. Watching him immerse himself in computer tinkering, I see a different side of him. At just 12 years old, he has developed a side business where he repairs laptops for friends and neighbors, ensuring every system is up-to-date. He has even taught himself various programming languages, making him a resource for my husband when he needed help with a technical issue.
A recent phone call from his online teacher initially filled me with dread as I braced for another discussion about his grades. Instead, she excitedly recounted how my son had successfully troubleshot a connectivity issue for his class through coding, sending her detailed screenshots of his work. “I had no idea he was so skilled with computers!” she remarked. Yet, it’s not surprising; the classroom rarely reflects where his true talents lie.
I must admit that my son’s academic struggles have at times left me feeling disheartened, particularly when compared to his high-achieving siblings. Of course, I would prefer for him to be a straight-A student who enjoys school, as that would alleviate many of his challenges. But I recognize that traditional academic success does not always align with personal talents, especially when his strengths are found elsewhere.
I’ve resolved to shift my focus away from his grades and instead nurture the areas where he excels. Encouraging him to pursue his passions is essential since those interests will ultimately serve him better than any letter grade could. After all, no one is remembered solely for their academic performance, and the most valuable gift I can provide is to affirm his worth beyond the confines of a report card.
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Summary:
Being the mother of a child who struggles academically can be challenging, especially when comparing their performance to siblings or peers. Understanding that traditional education may not highlight all of a child’s strengths is crucial. Focusing on nurturing their passions and skills outside the classroom can lead to a more fulfilling and successful journey for both the child and the parent.