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In discussions about children and the impact of the pandemic, the term “lost year” often emerges. People frequently express concerns about children lagging academically, missing significant milestones, and losing chances to socialize. Personally, every time I hear the phrase “the lost year,” it strikes a nerve.
Undeniably, this year has been challenging—extremely so. Many of us have faced genuine hardships, including loss of life, income, and health; however, these are not the losses that parents typically emphasize when they mention the “lost year.” Instead, they tend to focus on academic setbacks, diminished social interactions, and weakened friendships.
As parents, I urge you to pause and reevaluate this mindset about the past year. When society went into lockdown, one of my foremost worries—alongside keeping my family healthy—was how social isolation would affect my middle school children. They were navigating the pivotal years of early adolescence, a time of significant brain development.
Judith Warner, author of And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School, highlights that early adolescence is a crucial period for brain growth, comparable to the rapid development seen in infants. Before the pandemic, my children were progressing normally through their developmental stages, building strong friendships and managing school demands. But these essential relationships were disrupted or severely limited by remote learning and isolation. They missed the chance to casually chat with peers during experiments, share jokes at lunchtime, or engage in friendly competition at the park.
While virtual connections through FaceTime and gaming provided some interaction, they lacked the spontaneity and independence of in-person experiences. According to Phyllis Fagell, a therapist and author, this time is vital for middle schoolers to develop independence from their parents and establish their social identities. The critical developmental work that typically occurs during this time has been postponed.
Parents have understandably worried about their children’s well-being during this tumultuous period. The overriding fear is that our children may have missed essential developmental milestones, potentially impacting their social and academic futures. However, while it’s natural to share these concerns, it’s essential not to express them in front of our kids, especially since research indicates that parental anxiety can influence children’s mental health.
The good news is that most children will emerge from this experience relatively unscathed. Laurence Steinberg, a psychology professor, points out that the very nature of middle schoolers’ brain development makes them adaptable and resilient. Although the past year has been tough, many middle schoolers will be just fine.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that while most kids will be okay, some may struggle with the emotional toll of the pandemic. If your middle schooler exhibits signs of distress, it’s important to take action—whether by contacting their school, scheduling a therapy session, or having open conversations about their feelings.
As we navigate the post-pandemic landscape, parents need to change how they discuss this year. First, we should stop framing the past year in terms of what our kids have “lost.” Instead, focus on what they might have gained, such as more family time or flexibility in their routines.
We also need to reconsider our stance on screen time. Keeping kids connected through technology has proven beneficial, allowing them to maintain friendships. As one educator noted, this situation is anything but normal, and flexibility is essential.
Moreover, let’s make a point to praise our children for their resilience. They have adapted to online learning, mastered new technologies, and navigated a dramatically altered daily life with remarkable strength. Their ability to cope with these challenges is inspiring.
Lastly, let’s have faith in their resilience. While this year has indeed been tough, the ability of kids to adapt suggests they will be alright—if not already thriving.
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In summary, reframing our perspectives on the past year can significantly impact our children’s mental health and development. By focusing on resilience and adaptability, we can support them in emerging stronger from this challenging period.