In today’s digital age, many trends and movements gain traction for their positive impact on society. We see uplifting stories of kindness, generosity, and solidarity for marginalized communities. However, one trend that has emerged, primarily through social media, is deeply troubling and damaging: the use of public humiliation as a form of punishment.
Consider the scenario: a child skips school or talks back to a parent, and the punishment is to stand on a busy corner holding a sign detailing their misbehavior. For those who don’t witness this in person, a video or photo is shared online, broadcasting the child’s shame to the world. Another common example is when a teenager comes home late or is caught drinking, leading to drastic measures like cutting off their hair. Again, this is often filmed and shared for an audience of thousands.
As someone who has worked closely with teenagers, I can empathize with the struggles parents face. It’s true that many criticize today’s youth for being too soft compared to previous generations, which were often more disciplined. As a former educator and now a parent, I’ve encountered disrespectful behavior from students. I understand the frustration; teenagers can be challenging.
Yet, it’s essential to recognize that beneath the surface, most teenagers are fundamentally good individuals. They are navigating a complex world, seeking acceptance and friendship while inevitably making mistakes—just as we did in our youth.
When our children err, it’s natural to feel disappointment or embarrassment. We often wonder if their actions reflect poorly on our parenting. But the truth is, we are all human, and we all err. Both kids and parents deserve forgiveness.
Should children face consequences for their actions? Absolutely. They may need to lose privileges like access to their phones or video games, or they might need to engage in meaningful chores as a form of accountability. However, no child should endure public humiliation as punishment. This trend raises serious questions: What do parents think they are achieving? They certainly aren’t fostering a loving relationship or modeling the support that children desperately need as they grow.
Instead, public shaming erodes trust between parent and child. It sends the damaging message that they cannot rely on their parents to protect their dignity, which can lead to further disrespect for authority figures. Katharine Lane, a child development expert, emphasizes that humiliating children comes at a cost; it distances them from us and undermines our role as effective role models. When we disconnect, children lose their desire to please us or to emulate our behavior.
Shaming does not teach children about their actions; it instills a sense of worthlessness. It cultivates fear rather than understanding, leaving them to wonder what might happen if they stumble again. Public humiliation lacks efficacy as a disciplinary method; it’s more about parents seeking validation or approval online. Once an incident is shared on the internet, it is permanent, potentially affecting future opportunities for the child, such as college admissions or job prospects.
Psychology Today suggests that addressing issues through discussion rather than intimidation can strengthen the parent-child bond. In my experience as a teacher, I found that private conversations were far more effective than public reprimands. Kids often prefer to avoid embarrassment, and subtle reminders can lead to better compliance than confrontational tactics.
Parents should be their child’s primary support system, someone they can trust to stand by them—even when mistakes are made. Children require structure, rules, and consequences, but they also need to know that their missteps will be met with understanding and respect. Otherwise, how can we expect them to respect us in return?
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