Somewhere in our family archives is a video my eight-year-old son, Charlie, recorded just before the unexpected incident occurred. He and his six-year-old brother, Max, are about 100 feet up a wooded path, while their dad enjoys a peaceful day of fishing. With a cell phone in hand, Charlie is filming Max.
“Say something,” he instructs. “Ummm….” Max fidgets and recites in a monotone, “Tyrannosaurus rex eats fish and fish eat other things.” In another clip, Max enthusiastically strikes the ground with a stick, exclaiming, “Great walking stick!”
These two boys are enjoying their freedom in what can generously be called the wilderness: a paved trail flanked by trees along the banks of a gentle river. They understand the boundaries of staying on the path, and even if they didn’t, the river was calm that day, and they’ve been taught to avoid it at all costs. They are close enough to hear the fishing alarms, and they possess a cell phone, clearly knowing how to use it. Their father is merely a hundred feet away.
However, shortly after that video was filmed, an older woman approached them, clad in exercise attire, complete with a windbreaker tied around her waist. Without a greeting, she demanded, “Where are your parents?”
Upon hearing that their father was nearby, the boys instinctively dashed back to him. The woman, however, didn’t follow to confirm their story. Instead, she chose to contact park rangers, claiming she saw children alone on the trail.
When she encountered the boys later, happily fishing with their dad, Max took cover behind a tree, which is his go-to defense in uncomfortable situations. The woman offered a flurry of apologies, saying, “Well, if the rangers come, I called them because I saw two kids unattended… can never be too careful, what with that incident in California last week…” She was more concerned about perceived dangers than the very real risk of drowning.
“Ma’am,” my husband interjected, “the only threat they faced was from you.”
She stormed off, leaving my sons shaken.
I have no intention of becoming a helicopter parent. My goal is to nurture free-range children who can confidently navigate the world, even if it’s just a hundred feet away from me. They should learn to trust that most people are good and that, while dangers exist, they can handle them with common sense—like using their cell phone or calling for help.
Yet, this is the societal climate we’re up against.
Statistics from the Brennan Center indicate that crime rates in 2015 were half of what they were in 1990, and 22% lower than at the turn of the century. Children today are significantly safer than previous generations. Between 2003 and 2011, physical assault against children decreased by 33%, and the attempted or completed rape rate fell by 43%, according to the University of New Hampshire Crimes Against Children Research Center. On the contrary, only 115 children are abducted by strangers each year, and tragically, only 50 of those cases result in fatalities.
Yet, according to the CDC, around 10 people die daily from unintentional drowning, with one in five of these victims being children. Drowning ranks as the fifth leading cause of accidental deaths in the U.S. While my kids were near a river, they were aware of the dangers and knew to stay away. I can understand a passerby being concerned, but the woman’s reaction was exaggerated.
Our society has shifted its understanding of risk from what is probable to what is sensational. The fear of sensationalized dangers—like lurking predators—drives many parents’ instincts.
At ages eight and six, should I be holding their hands constantly? Should I keep them by my side all the time? This is the stage where they need to explore, push boundaries, and learn about the world independently. How can they develop their sense of self if they cannot venture even a short distance away without eliciting panic from strangers?
The baby boomer generation, which often criticizes Millennials for their perceived dependency, learned valuable skills by being pushed outside to play until dinner. They navigated their youth with a degree of freedom that seems increasingly rare today.
The Washington Post points out that an alarming percentage of college students are experiencing symptoms of depression, with suicide being a leading cause of death among this demographic. Over-involvement from helicopter parenting hampers children’s ability to face challenges independently. If parents treat every situation as a crisis, children never learn how to confront conflicts on their own.
So, how can I raise my children with the independence they need while living in a society that expects us to hover? We must remain grounded, instilling a sense of reality and sanity. We encourage them to explore the trail, the street, or even the store—essentially, we continue to forge ahead. For our children’s sake, it’s the only path forward.
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In summary, fostering independence in our children is crucial, yet societal pressures can make it challenging. We must balance the need for freedom with awareness of genuine risks, all while nurturing their ability to thrive in the world.