Parenting Today
By Jamie Thompson
Updated: December 18, 2018
Originally Published: March 13, 2018
During my childhood, I often found myself at a rope swing with friends, immersed in summer adventures along the Provo River in rural Utah. With no adults in sight, our group of kids spent countless hours attempting daring flips or jumping off branches into the water below. We faced our share of tumbles and minor scrapes, but no one ever uttered the words “be careful.” We navigated the risks ourselves, learning valuable lessons along the way.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself with an 11-year-old son. If he asked to go to a rope swing with his friends, I’d be concerned about the potential for trouble and how it might make headlines. Interestingly, he might not even ask, having grown up in a world where watching movies like The Goonies prompts him to question, “Where are their parents?”
The reality of parenting has shifted dramatically. Helicopter parenting has become the norm, and I often reflect on how this impacts my child’s development. Research indicates that children who aren’t allowed to take risks may face anxiety issues later in life. A study conducted by Macquarie University, alongside institutions from the Netherlands and Australia, found that children whose parents encourage exploration are less likely to exhibit anxiety disorder symptoms.
But how can we promote risk-taking while ensuring safety? Ellen Sandseter, an expert in this area, has spent over a decade studying risky play. In her research, she emphasizes that parents should refrain from saying “be careful.” I find myself guilty of this too. Just the other day, while cooking with my son, I cautioned him about the potato peeler, even though the risk was minimal.
Sandseter categorizes play into six types: (1) heights, (2) speed, (3) harmful tools, (4) dangerous elements, (5) rough play, and (6) play that allows children to wander. Instead of defaulting to “be careful,” she suggests using phrases like, “What’s your next move?” or “Take your time” when they’re climbing a tree. When a child is playing with a stick, instead of taking it away, say, “Sticks need space.”
The significance of this approach lies in empowering children. Such phrases encourage them to think critically about their actions rather than fostering fear. This nurtures their ability to assess risks, a vital life skill. In essence, we’re preparing them to navigate real-life challenges with confidence, whether it’s climbing a tree or making significant life decisions.
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In summary, by changing our language when discussing risks with children, we can help them develop confidence and better decision-making skills. This not only fosters their independence but also prepares them for the challenges of adulthood.