In today’s world, numerous trends and social media movements promote positivity and kindness, inspiring us to pay it forward and support marginalized communities. However, one troubling trend that has emerged through social media is public humiliation as a punishment, which I believe can cause significant harm to those it aims to discipline.
Consider the scenarios: a child skips school or talks back, so they are made to stand on a street corner with a sign detailing their misdeeds. If the public doesn’t witness it firsthand, parents often share these incidents online for added exposure. In another case, a teenager who comes home late or is caught drinking may face extreme measures, like having their hair drastically cut—all while being recorded for social media audiences.
Parenting is undeniably challenging, and many express concern that today’s youth lack discipline compared to past generations, who faced stricter consequences. As a former high school teacher and a parent, I can empathize with the frustrations that arise from dealing with disrespectful behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that most teenagers possess a fundamental goodness. They are navigating a complex world, often simply trying to belong and make sense of their lives. Mistakes are part of their growth, just as they were for us.
When our kids falter, it’s natural to feel disappointment. We might question our parenting abilities and feel embarrassed. However, it’s essential to remember that making mistakes is part of being human. Both parents and children deserve forgiveness.
Should children face consequences for their actions? Absolutely. Losing privileges like phones or video games, or being grounded can be appropriate responses. However, public shaming should never be an option. What do parents think they’re accomplishing through such humiliation? It certainly doesn’t foster a trusting relationship. Instead, it sends a clear message that their dignity is not safe with their parents, which can lead to further disrespect.
Dr. Lisa Monroe, a child development expert at a leading university, states that every instance of public embarrassment creates a rift between parent and child. When children feel disconnected, they lose their desire to please their parents and may disregard their influence altogether. Shaming teaches kids to internalize feelings of worthlessness rather than addressing their behavior. It instills fear rather than fostering an environment for learning from mistakes.
Public humiliation fails as a disciplinary method and is more about parents seeking validation than about teaching a lesson. They might receive accolades online for their “discipline,” but at what cost? These public records can also have long-lasting impacts—future colleges and employers might view these humiliating experiences, jeopardizing a child’s future due to a parent’s quest for approval. We all want our kids to thrive and eventually become independent, so why risk their potential?
Research indicates that discussing issues calmly rather than resorting to intimidation leads to better outcomes. In my teaching experience, private conversations about behavior were far more effective than public reprimands. Children fear public embarrassment more than any other consequence, and often respond better to subtle guidance.
Ultimately, parents should be their children’s strongest advocates. When trust breaks down due to public shaming, it teaches kids that they can’t rely on their parents. All children require structure and discipline, but they also need to know that their mistakes won’t define their worth. If we want our kids to respect us, we must first show them respect.
This article emphasizes the importance of understanding and nurturing our children rather than publicly humiliating them. For further insights on parenting and self-care during this journey, check out resources like Kindbody and learn more about how to support your family effectively.
Summary:
Public humiliation as a form of discipline is not only ineffective but also harmful to the parent-child relationship. Instead of fostering trust, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness and fear in children. Effective discipline focuses on understanding, respect, and private discussions rather than public shaming. Parents should strive to be their children’s advocates, ensuring they know their worth despite their mistakes.