“How have you been?” I ask, glancing at my watch with a touch of anxiety.
I’ve just spotted an old friend, Emily, at the grocery store, and we are both maneuvering through the aisles like we’re in a race. Seeing her in the pasta section stirred a sense of nostalgia. When was the last time we truly connected? I felt a flicker of joy at the sight of her.
“I’m so swamped!” she exclaims, looking just as frazzled as I am in my leggings and messy bun. She dives into a lengthy recounting of her jam-packed schedule.
Soccer practices, school board meetings she’s spearheading, deadlines at work—the list goes on endlessly.
As I stood there, listening but also internally competing, I began mentally preparing my own list of busy tasks to share as soon as she paused. Oh, she thinks she’s busy? I thought. She only juggles part-time work while managing older kids than mine. My thoughts drifted away as she continued to rattle on about her hectic life.
When she finally finished, she turned to me, clearly eager for an update from my end. “What’s new with you?” she asked, as if confirming I was also buried under a mountain of responsibilities.
And that realization hit me hard. This is what our friendships have devolved into—moms trying to outdo each other in the busy stakes. We feel the need to prove ourselves through our packed schedules, as if our worth as mothers hinges on our busyness.
Ladies, I’m calling it: this obsession with being busy is toxic.
No one truly benefits from the busy competition. If we take a step back and examine our lives, we might discover that our packed calendars are not the result of genuine desire but rather societal pressure. Are we over-scheduling our children to keep up with others? Are we taking on too many responsibilities within the PTA to justify our choices to stay home?
What are we really conveying when we tell friends we’re too busy to spare a moment?
If we were honest with ourselves, many of us would admit to feeling overwhelmed by the self-imposed chaos we’ve created. I once came across an illuminating article in the New York Times by Tim Krieder titled “The Busy Trap,” where he discusses our compulsive need to validate our existence through our endless schedules. He writes, “Your life cannot possibly be trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”
So, the next time a friend asks how you’re doing, consider being truthful. Share that you feel overwhelmed, or let her know about a new work project that excites you. Maybe tell her that signing your child up for the travel volleyball team was a decision you’re regretting now.
Avoid the reflex to one-up her with your own busy list. It’s simply impolite.
We all have unique challenges and commitments, and we all feel the weight of a culture that demands constant connectivity while undervaluing our downtime. We’ve all made choices that led to overscheduling ourselves and our families.
We are all busy—and it’s a pity.
In conclusion, let’s strive to foster deeper connections rather than engage in a busyness contest. Remember, it’s okay to admit when life feels overwhelming and to seek genuine support from friends.
For more insights on navigating motherhood, check out our post on intracervical insemination. Also, if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom has valuable information. Additionally, for further reading on insemination methods, Healthline provides excellent resources.