“I can’t stand seeing people post about their best friends,” shares one mother in a recent online discussion. “I feel like I have no one I could even call a friend, let alone a best friend. Motherhood has left me feeling so alone.” Another mother adds, “I barely know six people… I crave friendships. Why is loneliness part of being a mom?”
Yet another anonymous mom confesses, “I find myself oversharing with strangers nearly every day, and it’s completely unintentional. I just lack adult interaction, so everything spills out without me even realizing it.”
They are not the only ones feeling this way. A recent study from Action for Children, involving 2,000 parents in the UK, revealed that over half of new parents reported feelings of loneliness following the birth of their child, as noted by the Telegraph. An astonishing 68% felt “cut off” from family and friends, and a similar number indicated that their loneliness intensified after becoming a parent. Factors such as job loss, maternity leave, and financial strain may contribute to these emotions, researchers suggested.
Raquel D’Apice, author of Welcome to the Club: 100 Baby Milestones You Never Saw Coming, tells Psychology Today that one of the milestones is realizing how overwhelming loneliness can be. “There were times when being home alone with a baby felt like that moment in hide-and-seek when you realize no one is looking for you. It’s like that, but even lonelier.”
Most new parents long to maintain friendships but often find themselves too anxious to leave their baby behind or too fatigued to manage social outings. Only those who have navigated the exhausting nights of new parenthood can truly understand the profound sleep deprivation that accompanies it.
Going out with friends? Sure, you might pump and leave the baby with your partner, but you could easily fall asleep in the cozy movie theater seat and miss the entire film. Or worse, driving could feel unsafe.
When you frequently decline invitations, friendships may begin to fade. People who don’t understand what it’s like to have a tiny human relying on you might not reach out, thinking you prefer to stay in. Meanwhile, you’re waiting for them to call. The relationship gradually withers away.
We often hear advice to seek out new communities: join parenting groups! But what if you’re grappling with postpartum anxiety, which affects about 30% of parents? A large gathering of strangers might heighten your anxiety instead of providing comfort. Plus, many groups have specific focuses—like breastfeeding, babywearing, or fitness—making it difficult to find a place where you truly belong.
The reasons for parental loneliness are numerous. Insufficient maternity leave, a lack of adequate postpartum mental health screenings, and most importantly, the absence of a supportive community all contribute. Kara Carrero of Extremely Good Parenting highlights that the lack of a communal village leads to burnout among new parents. With no babysitters available, marriages can feel strained, and seeking help can seem daunting. Our struggles become overwhelming, as there’s no one to reassure us that they’ve been in our shoes, overcome challenges, and can offer guidance. Instead, we grow more self-reliant, which can deplete our energy and mental well-being.
So, how can we build our community? Many women turn to online spaces for connection. While this can be beneficial—some of my closest friends are those I’ve met online—they can’t physically help when I’m unwell or provide last-minute playdates.
In my own experience, I was fortunate when my children were born; I connected with others who valued attachment parenting, and we formed a supportive network. However, as the baby phase passed, those friendships dwindled, leaving me seeking new connections. Now, I often find myself alone with my kids, wishing for nearby friends to share in parenting, cook meals with, and offer mutual support to alleviate the pervasive loneliness.
While self-reliance is important, I’m learning that community is even more valuable.
For more on navigating parenthood and community building, consider exploring related topics on home insemination techniques or checking out Make a Mom for insights on home insemination kits. Additionally, Facts About Fertility offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
New parents often experience profound loneliness despite being surrounded by their children. A significant number report feeling isolated from friends and family, exacerbated by factors like postpartum anxiety and insufficient support systems. Finding a community can be challenging, but online connections and local parenting groups can help bridge the gap. Ultimately, fostering real-life relationships is essential for combating the loneliness many new parents face.