All we desire is a son. We are specifically looking to adopt a teenage boy aged 15 to 16. For quite some time, I’ve wanted to provide a home for an older child in the foster care system, and my husband, a dedicated high school teacher, shares that sentiment. We recognize the pressing issue of teenagers aging out of the system without a family. According to the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System Report from September 2015, over 111,820 children in the US were waiting for adoption, with 19% being between the ages of 13 and 18.
We are open to adopting a teenage boy of any race, as we are committed to learning about and understanding the unique challenges of parenting children from diverse backgrounds. You would assume that the state would be eager to facilitate our adoption, especially given the high number of children in need in our area. However, that’s far from the reality.
The expenses associated with preparing our home for adoption have been unexpectedly overwhelming. I’m fortunate to have a side job in addition to being a stay-at-home mom, which has made this journey somewhat manageable. While I understand the need for thorough vetting processes to ensure the safety of children entering new homes, the policies often seem more bureaucratic than beneficial.
Unexpected Costs
Take the issue of windows, for example. Every bedroom in our one-story home must have windows that open to a minimum of five square feet of space for safety reasons. Our windows barely meet that requirement, so we face two costly options: replace them or install interconnected wireless smoke alarms. After consulting with the state fire marshal, we purchased eight smoke alarms, totaling approximately $250. These alarms, unfortunately, are overly sensitive and blare loudly over even simple cooking tasks.
Moreover, state regulations dictate that windows must be unobstructed, meaning we had to redo our master bedroom at a significant cost, as nothing can be placed in front of them.
Then there are our pets. While we keep our dogs vaccinated, state health requirements demand full vaccination records for every pet, which can be costly. Each vet visit costs between $125 and $150 per dog. With three dogs, that’s a hefty $450 bill. You’d think a rabies tag would suffice, but not in this case.
Additionally, I had to undergo physicals for myself and my children, a process complicated by a lost form. This included copays for three children and three adults, along with lab tests for TB. I also had to make a special appointment with my psychiatrist for a compliance letter regarding my medications, which was costly in itself.
Speaking of medications, they must all be securely locked away—not just babyproofed. I take several prescription medications daily, and with our family’s health needs, we have a lot of over-the-counter items. This meant purchasing two large toolboxes to store everything, which was a cheaper option compared to actual medication lockboxes that can cost around $160 each.
Cleaning supplies and hazardous materials also have to be locked up, despite the fact that our adoptive child will be a teenager. The same goes for electrical outlets, which must be covered, even those that are not easily accessible. The cost of acquiring these safety supplies has risen dramatically since we last purchased them years ago.
The Emotional Toll
If we were not financially stable, we might have abandoned this dream long ago. None of these expenses factor in the basic costs of preparing for another child: a new mattress, bedding, a phone charger, a desk, and more. There are also the logistical challenges, such as taking time off work to meet social workers or coordinating with friends to babysit our children during meetings. The travel expenses to submit documents in person, ensuring they don’t get lost in the bureaucratic shuffle, add to the stress.
This situation can be incredibly disheartening. I have shed tears over lost paperwork and felt rage at the extensive requirements. The thought of never being able to bring our son home feels daunting, but I must hold onto hope. I believe somewhere, my son is waiting. I worry for his well-being, fearing he may feel unwanted while in a group home. All I want is to bring him home, to be a mother who has yet to meet her child. The financial strain and the lengthy process only prolong his feeling of longing for a family.
If we were less fortunate, we would have likely given up after learning about the need for interconnected smoke alarms. This would mean another child aging out of the system without a home. Many potential adoptive parents drop out of the process due to these stringent requirements, leaving loving homes unavailable to kids who desperately need them. We must find ways to simplify this process and open doors for those children.
Further Reading
For more insights into the adoption process, you can explore this informative post on home insemination kit. For those interested in artificial insemination, check out Make a Mom, a highly regarded source on the topic. The CDC also offers an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination, which you can view here.
In summary, the financial and emotional hurdles of adopting from foster care can feel overwhelming, but the hope of providing a loving home to a child keeps the dream alive.