Pregnancy is often portrayed as a magical journey filled with joy and anticipation, but for many, the reality can be a mix of excitement and fear. As a doula and birth photographer, I have the privilege of supporting numerous expecting parents as they navigate this profound transition.
Recently, I met with a couple eagerly awaiting their first child. While discussing their lives, the mother mentioned she was grateful for the chance to keep her pregnancy private, almost as if compelled to say she was enjoying the excitement in solitude. I sensed a disconnect in her words, a hint of obligation rather than genuine enthusiasm, which made me empathize with her unspoken struggles.
In our society, pregnancy is often viewed as an unequivocal blessing. While it’s acceptable to voice concerns over fatigue or nausea, expressing anything less than pure joy can lead to feelings of shame. However, the reality is that pregnancy can evoke a wide range of emotions, some of which may lean towards the negative spectrum. Even those who actively seek a child may find themselves overwhelmed with anxiety and uncertainty once they actually conceive.
I recall a conversation with a first-time expecting mother who bravely admitted her fears about parenthood. Although her pregnancy was planned, she felt a pang of anxiety over whether she could bond with her baby. “I’ve never voiced this before… it sounds terrible,” she shared, clearly burdened by guilt. I wished I could comfort her, but instead, I reassured her that her feelings were not only valid but also commonplace. The relief that washed over her was palpable; she had never been told it was acceptable to feel uneasy.
Breaking the Stigma
Why do we create such a stigma around these emotions? Why do individuals feel they must hide their true feelings? It’s a cultural misconception that associates babies solely with happiness, and this narrative needs to shift. Expecting families should feel free to express their full range of emotions, as suppressing them can lead to perinatal mood disorders.
I speak from personal experience. After marrying shortly after graduation, my husband and I decided to start a family immediately and were blessed with a pregnancy just a month later. However, despite my desire for a child, I often felt overwhelmed and detached during my pregnancy. I struggled with identity changes and the prospect of becoming a stay-at-home mother, which conflicted with my career aspirations. Guilt flooded me as I experienced troubling symptoms and feared I wouldn’t bond with my baby, especially when I learned I was having a son instead of the daughter I had hoped for. I left baby showers feeling more pressure than joy, weighed down by my lack of excitement.
This internal conflict ultimately led me to a deep depression after my second child was born. While other factors contributed to my struggles, the pressure to conform to societal expectations around pregnancy and motherhood played a significant role in my emotional turmoil.
Finding Support
To those navigating pregnancy, I encourage you to be mindful of how you interact with expectant individuals. When asking about their journey, be sincere and ready to validate any concerns. And for those expecting a child, remember it’s crucial to honor your feelings and seek out a supportive environment. If you’re struggling to find that support, consider reaching out to a birth worker or resources like Cryobaby At-Home Insemination Kit, which can provide guidance. Additionally, this blog offers insights on related topics, while Healthline serves as an excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
Ultimately, you’re not alone in this journey.
Summary
It’s completely normal to experience a range of emotions during pregnancy, including fear and anxiety. Societal pressures often dictate that all feelings surrounding pregnancy must be positive, but it’s essential to acknowledge and validate the full spectrum of emotions that can arise. Pregnant individuals should seek support and feel safe expressing their concerns, as doing so can help mitigate feelings of shame and isolation.