Navigating the complexities of my son Jake’s character over the past two decades has finally revealed a crucial truth: he has a remarkable understanding of his parents.
In a span of just over a year, Jake faced immense loss: his father, my husband Tom, succumbed to prostate cancer on September 15, 2018, and I nearly lost my life after a serious accident when an SUV collided with me while I was cycling on July 4, 2017.
You might be familiar with the adage about winning a man’s heart through his stomach. For me, humor has always been the key to my heart. Tom’s witty remarks helped defuse countless potential arguments throughout our 30-year marriage. His ability to lift my spirits not only supported our two children through their formative years but also kept me out of serious trouble.
When I began experiencing unsettling side effects from my accident, including anxiety and paranoia, Jake instinctively knew how to help me cope. The incident had disrupted our family dynamic just weeks after Jake turned 22, and my survival was uncertain due to a traumatic brain injury, a shattered jaw, and several other injuries.
Upon regaining consciousness in the hospital and receiving a notepad because I couldn’t speak, I drew a question mark to inquire about my situation. I was devastated to learn that my cherished bike rides with friends had been interrupted by a distracted driver who nearly took my life, leaving my family in turmoil.
Weeks later, after being discharged from rehabilitation, I returned home to my family. One day, while Jake was taking care of me, he drove us to the grocery store for a much-needed change of scenery. On the way back, our GPS led us onto a congested Route 22 toward Newark, New Jersey. As I gripped the seat in anxiety, I urged Jake to be cautious, admitting my heightened sensitivity to traffic.
His response was unexpected and brilliant. “Mom,” he said, “when you woke up in the hospital, we should have told you that you were attacked by a bear. Then you’d feel at ease in the car and only worry about bears!” He then smoothly switched lanes, and while I tensed up, I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, feeling my worries dissipate.
Then came Tom’s arduous battle with prostate cancer. While I was hospitalized, his doctor informed him that he had only two years left. Once I returned to work, it wasn’t long before Tom became too weak, requiring home hospice care. Our family took turns providing care, with Jake, his older sister Sarah, and I each covering a few days each week.
Tom surprised us by insisting on staying in the high bed of our master bedroom, a matter of principle for him, as he sought to maintain a semblance of normal life amidst the chaos of cancer. However, after a fall in the middle of the night, it became clear he needed to transition to a lower bed in the guest room.
Despite our best efforts, he refused to move. After days of pleading—first with tears, then frustration—I left for work one day, leaving him in Jake’s care. When I returned, I noticed something unusual as I passed the guest room: Jake was sitting in Tom’s wheelchair, reading a book beside the low bed where Tom lay resting. A wave of relief washed over me, and for an instant, I felt joy.
Months after Tom’s passing, I asked Jake how he convinced him to make that move. The transition was challenging; Tom nearly lost consciousness during the short trip from one bed to the other. “What did you say to him, Jake?” I inquired. He reminded me of a lesson from their childhood: whenever he or Sarah hesitated to comply with my requests, Tom would approach them as allies with a common purpose: “We need to keep Mom happy.”
Jake had simply told Tom, “We gotta keep Mom happy, and you know she won’t be happy if you stay in that bed.” No further persuasion was necessary. It was pure genius.
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In summary, navigating the challenges of illness and family dynamics can lead to unexpected insights, often delivered with humor and wisdom from our loved ones. The journey of support, care, and understanding highlights the strength of family bonds, even in the face of adversity.