Parenting
By Jenna Thompson
As I approached the final weeks of my pregnancy with twins, each day felt interminably long, and the nights dragged on even longer. Sleep had become a distant memory; even using the restroom left my legs numb. My swollen ankles could have brought tears to my eyes, and I was in constant agony from pelvic pain, earning myself the title of “best waddler” in the process.
Then, at 1:30 a.m. during my 37th week, my water broke. In a flurry of panic, I dashed around the house, leaving a trail of amniotic fluid on the carpet. Clad in my husband’s red plaid pajama pants and a blue polka dot shirt, I was horrified at the thought of heading to the hospital in such a state. However, a quick call to my mom helped ground me. I had assumed that once my water broke, it was time to rush to the hospital. I feared giving birth to twins in the car, so I grabbed a bath towel and a trash bag to protect my vehicle.
My C-section was scheduled for 3:15 a.m., but things took a turn for the worse during surgery. The anesthesiologist misjudged the dosage due to my height, and I experienced an agonizing minute of pain that surpassed any labor pain I’d had with my first child.
After the chaos, I was finally holding my two precious boys. I immediately bonded with one, while the other was whisked away to the NICU for breathing issues due to aspirated meconium. It was a bittersweet moment—I was overjoyed at my new baby but devastated for the one being cared for elsewhere. My heart ached as I longed for both to be with me. When I managed to convince a nurse to let me see my NICU baby, I ended up fainting in the process, which resulted in restrictions on my mobility.
The emotional turmoil of being a first-time mom with two babies was overwhelming. After a five-day hospital stay, we finally brought both boys home, but I only held my NICU baby twice before leaving. I will never forget my husband entering the room with a second car seat—a moment of sheer overwhelm. I can’t even fathom what it must be like for a mom of triplets or more; if you’re in that situation, I’m sure you have a good laugh at my experience.
Once home, I struggled to connect with my NICU baby, leading to immense guilt. Just hours post-surgery, I began pumping to maintain my milk supply, nursing one baby every hour while pumping every four. My sleep averaged a mere 45 minutes per night—I was barely surviving.
We eventually moved in with my in-laws, where my mother-in-law took turns caring for one baby at night while I took the other. The amount of control I had to relinquish as a twin mom was humbling. I quickly learned that I couldn’t always hold my babies or spoil them as I wanted. I had to establish a strict schedule to maintain some semblance of sanity and, at times, distanced myself emotionally to cope with letting one baby cry while tending to the other.
Having twins as my first experience of motherhood drastically altered my parenting approach. There was no room for “first baby syndrome” when you have two. How do you attend to each baby’s needs simultaneously? You simply can’t.
In hindsight, navigating this twin dynamic has fostered balance for both them and me. Yet, psychologically, I feel like I treated my twins as if they were my subsequent children. This forced dynamic, which usually develops naturally when having children in succession, was thrust upon me. It even leaves me feeling guilty now that I’ve experienced a singleton pregnancy. I’ve savored that babyhood far more than I did with the twins, often wishing away their infancy for the ease of older children.
The reality of having two babies the same age means constant comparison. Despite reminding myself that they would develop at their own pace, I still found myself anxious when one reached milestones before the other. They both demanded my attention simultaneously, leaving no room for distraction.
The physical and emotional exhaustion of tending to two babies at once is immense. I frequently compared my connections with each child and felt guilty for the stronger bond I developed with one over the other. The demands of being a mom of multiples forced me to impose structure and consistency in our lives, without which everything would have unraveled.
Having multiple children the same age introduces a unique dynamic and psychological strain that is different from parenting children sequentially. I can’t proclaim it’s more challenging than raising three kids in a row, but it certainly presents its own set of difficulties.
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In summary, parenting twins brings surprises and challenges that many don’t anticipate. The experience reshapes how you bond, manage emotions, and navigate the complexities of raising two children simultaneously.