“Are you really going to pay for ALL those weddings?” chuckled the hospital volunteer as I gazed at one of my premature triplet daughters in her incubator.
“Honestly, my biggest concern right now is getting them out of the NICU,” I responded. And that was just the start of countless inquiries I’ve received about how my husband and I plan to finance our six daughters’ weddings. If you’re a mother of more than two daughters, you’ve likely faced similar questions.
I understand that it’s an easy conversation starter when chatting with someone with multiple daughters. However, the reality is, I don’t lose sleep over it, and here’s why.
The assumptions are outdated and plentiful.
At its core, the question of “how will you pay for all those weddings” is filled with misconceptions. First off, who’s to say my daughters will all grow up to marry and host extravagant weddings? There are so many assumptions packed into that question. They might choose to elope (and hopefully still invite me!). They may prefer intimate ceremonies. Perhaps they’ll become successful entrepreneurs and whisk us away to a tropical paradise for their wedding, where we can sip fruity drinks on the beach while they exchange vows barefoot (which sounds incredible, and I’m rooting for that!). Or, maybe one or more of them will opt out of marriage entirely.
Secondly, who decided that a wedding must come with a hefty price tag? My husband and I, along with our parents, managed to throw a wonderful wedding without going broke. A lavish wedding is a choice, not a prerequisite for marriage.
I generally don’t stress about events that are decades away.
Do you fret about whether your sons will lose their hair? Or whether your kids will have children of their own? Those concerns seem distant, right? Just like weddings. They are far removed from my daily struggles of getting my daughters to finish their veggies, wipe properly, and hit the hay at a reasonable hour.
But let’s be clear: I do have worries.
I worry about them being glued to YouTube. I stress over potential lice outbreaks. I dread the never-ending slime-making trend (can we please move on?). I worry about cavities and when they’ll finally stop wetting the bed. I’m concerned about the impact of mean girls and the pressure to conform at the expense of their individuality.
As they transition into their teenage years, I worry about their self-esteem and how they will navigate driving. I want them to have the courage to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s unpopular. I’m also wary of the wild phone apps where teens communicate secretly.
Looking further ahead, I have concerns about helping them afford college. Unlike weddings, college expenses are fixed and continue to rise. I worry that they might underestimate their voices and value as women, and that they could face added obstacles in their careers simply for being female.
While weddings don’t keep me up at night, I do have concerns about marriage.
I fear my daughters might commit before fully understanding themselves. I worry that they may see marriage as a goal rather than the genuine partnership it should be.
So yes, I do have worries. Right now, I’m focused on homework and surviving the chaos of each day. But weddings? That’s not on my worry radar. It’s simply not worth the stress.
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In summary, while I face numerous everyday parenting challenges, the prospect of funding my daughters’ weddings is not one of my worries. I cherish the unpredictability of their futures and believe that love and partnership can take many forms that don’t require a grand celebration.