The Day I Turned to ‘Daniel Tiger’ to Cope with My Frustrations

Mental Health

What happened when I applied parenting techniques to my own life.

Written by Jamie Carter

Updated: Feb. 20, 2024

Originally Published: March 9, 2022

Getty / PBS / Home Insemination Kit

Recently, after juggling work tasks, preparing dinner, and repeatedly picking up the same socks, I found myself humming a tune from “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” The main character of this PBS Kids show often deals with his emotions through catchy songs; one of them goes, “when you’re feeling mad and you want to roar, just take a deep breath, and count to four, 1, 2, 3, 4.”

I’m not sure why I started singing this particular song, but it resonated with me in a moment of frustration. Although it felt a bit silly to sing a children’s song to myself, it surprisingly helped me regain my composure.

I soon realized that during stressful moments, I instinctively applied various techniques I’ve tried to teach my kids for managing their emotions. Typically, when my 5-year-old son gets upset, I introduce coping strategies I’ve learned from books, podcasts, or online groups. But I found that I was actually learning these lessons for myself.

These techniques for handling frustration have significantly improved my mental well-being, self-care, and emotional regulation. Here’s how:

Understanding My Triggers

Identifying what bothers me hasn’t been straightforward. I tend to be a “people pleaser,” but parenting exposes me to a full range of emotions. For example, one evening, I raised my voice after asking my boys to get into the bathtub for the fourth time. I realized I struggle with being ignored and that I need some time to unwind after a busy day. Recognizing these triggers allows me to understand myself better and manage my reactions.

Deep Breathing for Emotional Regulation

Many frustration management techniques emphasize deep breathing and taking breaks. This fundamental approach has been eye-opening. Whether I’m in a tough conversation at work or facing a challenging day, stepping away has helped clear my mind. As the song suggests, taking a moment to breathe can work wonders. I’ve started taking more midday walks and setting my phone aside for some focused thinking. When I skip these practices, I notice that my patience dwindles.

Accepting Frustration to Build Emotional Intelligence

As parents, we often want to shield our children from negative emotions, but that isn’t always beneficial. Struggling with frustration is part of life, and learning how to manage it fosters resilience. By embracing these uncomfortable moments, I’m becoming more adept at handling my emotions in a healthier way.

Establishing Boundaries

The concept of “boundaries” is frequently discussed online, and for good reason. Kids need limits to help them navigate life’s challenges. I often feel frustration when faced with denial or waiting, which reminds me that I, too, need to respect my own boundaries. Recognizing this helps me teach my children valuable lessons about limits.

Ultimately, this journey has shown me that I learn just as much from my kids as I hope to teach them. Next time I find myself singing along with Daniel Tiger and using deep breaths to calm down, I’ll recognize that I’m not just setting an example for my boys but also nurturing my own growth as a mother.

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In summary, my experience with “Daniel Tiger” has highlighted the value of applying child-friendly emotional management techniques to my adult frustrations. Understanding my triggers and establishing healthy practices has not only made me a better parent but also a more self-aware individual.