Updated: November 19, 2020
Originally Published: August 19, 2018
Approximately six months ago, when I embarked on the journey of divorce, I confided in a close friend who is not married. Her reaction—a tilt of the head, a sympathetic nod, followed by a soft sigh—became a familiar response I encountered from others as well. She expressed her sorrow and offered a comforting touch, but no one was truly astonished.
For those who knew me well, surprise was not an option. My spouse and I had evolved into our authentic selves over the years, and while we took pride in our individuality, we had become fundamentally incompatible. I did not seek pity for my divorce; I already felt the heavy burden of a failing marriage, akin to wearing a winter coat year-round. Yet, I wished for others to understand the profound difficulties I faced—not just for my sake but for my spouse’s too.
Divorce, while common (with approximately 42% of marriages projected to end in separation), is one of life’s most stressful events. Unlike a typical breakup, divorce includes an array of legal complexities, financial adjustments, and often, co-parenting challenges. According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, it ranks as the second most stressful life event, only surpassed by the death of a spouse.
My experience of divorce was the most challenging period of my life, despite it being somewhat anticipated. I allowed the turmoil to consume me, as waves of despair crashed over me daily, leaving me drowning in chaos and loneliness. In hindsight, I realize I failed to consider how to navigate this process effectively—not just for my children but for myself.