As a parent, I strive to instill a sense of self-love and confidence in my daughter, Mia, who, at the age of three, made a heartfelt decision to leave her beloved preschool. When I asked her why, tears filled her eyes as she shared the source of her distress: a growth chart displayed in her classroom. While her friends measured in the mid to upper ranges, Mia’s name sat at the bottom, isolated and alone. “I feel like I’m the worst because I’m the smallest,” she lamented. “Everyone is taller and better than me.”
Being 5’2” myself (on a good day with heels), I could empathize with Mia’s feelings. I was also the shortest in my class growing up, yet it never affected me as deeply as it troubled her. I recognized early on that sports like basketball might not be in my future, but I cherished the advantages of being petite, such as fitting snugly into the front row of class photos.
“I don’t like it when they call me a little sprite,” Mia admitted one day. Instead of dismissing her concerns, I decided to highlight the positives of her stature. For instance, she’s the last one to get drenched in the rain and can sneak into the coziest spots during hide-and-seek.
Nevertheless, she continued to express sadness when teased, saying, “My friends called me shrimp today.” According to the U.S. Department of Justice, over 160,000 kids miss school daily to escape bullying, and research indicates that bullying can start as early as age three, with girls especially vulnerable to teasing.
The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress has found that the impact of bullying can be long-lasting, contradicting the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” While physical injuries typically heal, verbal taunts can leave deep scars on a child’s self-esteem and identity. I was determined that Mia wouldn’t become another statistic.
Although I understood that the teasing about her height was often lighthearted, I worried that it could undermine her confidence during these formative years. I scoured books, movies, and TV for relatable short characters who were strong role models, but was surprised to find very few. Instead, tall characters like Elastigirl from The Incredibles, who can stretch herself to save the day, dominated the scene. And let’s not forget Wonder Woman, a towering figure that young girls look up to—literally.
Culturally, we tend to associate height with power and privilege. Studies consistently show that taller individuals often earn more than their shorter peers, and historically, our nation has favored tall leaders—only six of our 45 presidents were below average height, the last being Jimmy Carter, elected four decades ago.
Reflecting on Mia’s struggles, I realized she was not alone. While she felt out of place due to her height, I considered those who might feel different in various other ways. As we nurture the next generation, instilling self-worth and confidence, particularly in young girls, has never been more crucial.
Despite my efforts to instill a positive mindset in Mia, it was essential to teach her about self-acceptance. “Focus on being the best version of Mia,” I often reminded her. I aimed to help her stop comparing herself to others—socially, academically, and physically—and instead concentrate on her unique qualities.
Changing her perspective wasn’t easy, but over time it became more manageable, especially as I set an example. Mia observes me day-to-day, and I recognized that my own comments about needing high heels for important meetings were inadvertently sending mixed messages about self-image. Though I’ve always believed that confidence isn’t tied to height, I found myself conditioned to value it.
While we never discussed growth hormone treatments with our pediatrician, both Mia and her younger sister, Ava, would likely qualify for such options. However, I felt that if I could teach Mia to embrace her uniqueness early on, she would never perceive her height as a setback.
If you have a child who society labels as “too short,” engage them in conversations about self-acceptance, highlight their strengths, and celebrate their individuality. You might be surprised to learn that shorter individuals often excel in activities requiring agility and precision, like gymnastics and diving. While Mia may be a few inches below the growth curve for her age, my hope is that she will never lack confidence and will understand her worth and the opportunities available to her, regardless of her height.
In summary, teaching our children to embrace their differences is vital in fostering confidence and self-acceptance. By focusing on their strengths, we can help them navigate a world that often equates height with power and success.