Let me tell you about an experience I had recently. The kitchen was a total disaster zone. Shoes and jackets were scattered everywhere, dirty dishes cluttered the couch, and a couple of cups sat abandoned on the coffee table. One dog wouldn’t stop barking while the other had decided to leave a little surprise on the floor. One of the kids was complaining about something trivial, and the other was being downright obnoxious.
At that moment, I completely lost it.
“THAT’S IT!” I shouted. “To your rooms! No phones, no video games, nothing!”
This, of course, only led to more whining and sass.
“Why are you so angry?!” they exclaimed, which was the last straw for me.
This is precisely why moms like me sometimes reach our breaking point. We’ve asked them countless times to pick up their things or put their dirty dishes in the sink, and yet, it all falls on deaf ears. Our gentle reminders about not yelling during gaming sessions or avoiding inappropriate language go ignored. Our voices become background noise, and chore charts turn into mere lists of tasks we have to nag them about. It’s frustrating when nobody seems to hear us until we’re red-faced, yelling with tears in our eyes.
And then they ask for another chance? Sweethearts, you’ve had more chances than I can count, and I’m fed up with repeating myself.
This is why we lose our cool. We’re exhausted—so incredibly exhausted—and it feels like no one notices. We’re worn out from reminding everyone to clean up after themselves, put the toilet seat down, or just put their phones away for a moment. We lie awake at night worrying about things that no one else seems to care about—comments from teachers, our tweens’ new swearing habits, or whether we can manage a family vacation this year.
We’re not just a bit tired; we’re bone-deep tired. We carry the emotional load of our families on our shoulders while navigating our kids’ mood swings and our own feelings too.
Before motherhood, I had no clue I would feel such rage sometimes. I’ve always considered myself fairly easygoing, but somehow, a switch flips from calm and collected to an irate whirlwind in mere seconds.
Sometimes it’s the chaos of my daily life that gets overwhelming. Clutter is everywhere, dirt seems to multiply, and I’ve cleaned up more messes than I ever thought I would—trust me on that.
Other times, it’s anxiety that brings on the frustration. The stress of finances, work, and the constant second-guessing can weigh heavily. We find ourselves worrying about everyday issues and larger problems like safety and social injustices.
Occasionally, we just lose it because we’re human. We make mistakes and have our moments of weakness. But often, it’s the unpredictable chaos of motherhood that sends us over the edge. The never-ending mental load is something that’s hard to articulate, but we’re all feeling it.
We’re burdened with not just our families’ wellbeing, but the state of the world. We are frustrated and sad that life isn’t what we hoped for our children. While our lives are purposeful, they often feel devoid of joy. We sometimes fear that we’ve lost a part of ourselves, and in those moments of frustration, it becomes painfully evident.
So yes, this (gestures broadly) is why we lose our tempers. We should be kinder to ourselves, as anyone in our position would occasionally snap. The pressure on parents, especially mothers, to be everything for everyone is relentless. Judgments are everywhere, and it can feel like we’re constantly fighting a losing battle.
So if you find yourself on the brink, be gentle with yourself. You are justified; you’re not “crazy.” You’re carrying a heavy load, and it’s okay to drop it sometimes.
Dust yourself off, take a moment if you need to, apologize if it feels right, and then keep moving forward. Because that’s what mothers do.
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In summary, motherhood is filled with managing chaos, emotional burdens, and societal pressures, leading to moments of frustration and loss of composure. It’s essential to recognize these feelings and treat ourselves with kindness and understanding.