“I know I sound absurd,” she admitted. We were seated next to each other at the local skating rink, observing our daughters enjoying their time together. After several months of trying to coordinate, we finally got to meet up. Her family of five was juggling a staggering number of extracurricular commitments—nine in total.
She explained how each of her three kids was involved in three sports simultaneously, leaving their weekdays and weekends packed with practices and games. Even though they had just moved into a beautiful house equipped with a pool and ample space for soccer, those features rarely saw any use. “We simply don’t have time,” she sighed.
I smiled and explained that our approach is quite different. Our four children are each limited to one activity at a time, with many weeks having no scheduled activities at all. Her reaction is one I often encounter.
She seemed to take pride in being “so busy,” recounting hours spent shuttling her kids around town in her SUV, loaded with snacks and sports equipment. Yet, she simultaneously expressed her exhaustion, clutching a large coffee cup and wishing for more time to engage in other pursuits.
Her kids typically don’t start homework until 9 p.m., and she couldn’t recall the last time she and her husband had a moment alone. She joked that they could catch up on quality time once the kids head off to college.
Weekends? They were even more hectic than weekdays, filled with out-of-town baseball tournaments and three-hour practices on Sundays. When they weren’t traveling, she’d often find herself helping her kids with school projects simply because they were too worn out to finish them. They even crammed in private music lessons and tutoring, usually on early Saturday mornings.
Listening to her schedule made me feel fatigued. Like many moms, she seemed to seek validation through her children’s numerous extracurriculars, believing it would enhance their skills and opportunities. I wondered: while we all want our children to be well-rounded, at what cost?
Is it possible to cultivate teamwork, commitment, self-discipline, and confidence through less stressful and less expensive means? I believe it is.
I understand that our choice to limit our kids’ extracurricular activities may seem unconventional. It’s not a popular viewpoint, but with the growing evidence on the negative effects of over-scheduling children, I feel confident in our decision.
When she asked how we fill our free time, I shared that we prioritize unstructured play, creativity, and family bonding.
Fridays are reserved for buttery popcorn and a family movie night. Saturday mornings are a pancake tradition, allowing me to sleep in (yes, please!). We might play basketball, ride bikes, run errands, or invite friends over for dinner. Sundays start with church, followed by home projects in the afternoon. Occasionally, we travel to visit extended family or our kids’ birth families.
Our weekends belong to us—not to coaches, instructors, or tutors. This is our preferred way of life.
My children aren’t isolated from social interactions. My eldest daughter is currently taking ballet, which consists of one forty-five-minute class each week. My second daughter, who played basketball during winter, is now starting drum lessons for a mere half-hour each week. My six-year-old son is about to embark on a five-week ninja warrior class on Saturday afternoons. And my toddler? Well, her extracurricular activity is simply following her siblings around. I’m not a fan of Mommy-and-Me classes.
While our lifestyle may seem dull compared to the bustling schedules of other families, the truth is that we are peaceful, joyful, and creative. We cherish our no-alarm-clock Saturdays and our cozy fort-building Sundays. During the summer, we spend hours swimming together, listening to music, chatting with friends, and enjoying melting popsicles.
I recognize that I have only a few precious years to raise my kids, and these unscheduled, organic moments are invaluable. They foster memories and allow us to be present, witnessing the beauty of our time together. In many ways, this is the ultimate adventure.
This lifestyle might not suit everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m not anxious about my kids’ college applications or whether they can play the piano by age four. Running through the sprinkler is more our style, and my kids have no complaints.
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Summary:
In a world where many families are overwhelmed by a multitude of extracurricular commitments, we’ve opted for a calmer, more balanced lifestyle. Our children participate in just one activity at a time, allowing us ample time for family bonding, creativity, and relaxation. This approach fosters happiness and peace in our home, emphasizing the importance of presence and shared experiences over a packed schedule.