After the birth of my first child, I found myself torn about the safety of sharing a bed with him. On one hand, my pediatrician and the American Academy of Pediatrics warned against bed-sharing due to an increased risk of suffocation. On the other hand, as a breastfeeding mother, I read countless resources stating that breastfeeding can help protect against SIDS and that bed-sharing facilitates easier and more successful nursing.
I soon realized that the reality of motherhood often means falling asleep while breastfeeding out of sheer exhaustion. Babies nurse frequently, especially during the night, and the only way I could manage was to bring my baby into bed, nursing him when he needed, and adapting to our new life.
Fortunately, I was diligent about learning the guidelines for safe bed-sharing and adhered to them closely. However, I still felt a sense of taboo when it came to admitting my practices. When my pediatrician inquired about my baby’s sleep arrangements, I would mention the crib beside my bed—a truth only half told, as it was typically cluttered with laundry rather than being used for sleep.
As I transitioned into a lactation consultant, I began to reflect on the importance of educating mothers about safe bed-sharing rather than instilling fear about its dangers. Instead of merely warning against bed-sharing, we should provide knowledge on how to minimize risks while sharing a bed with a baby.
Dr. Sarah Mitchell, a pediatric expert at the University of Washington, shares a similar perspective in her recent blog post on the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine’s website. “We need to approach discussions about breastfeeding and sleep as interconnected,” Dr. Mitchell suggests. “Mothers are likely to doze off while feeding, so let’s focus on making those moments as safe as possible.”
Consider this: many new parents might not realize that falling asleep with a baby on a couch or armchair poses significant risks, as an infant could become trapped between cushions. If you simply hear “DO NOT BEDSHARE,” the exhaustion of motherhood may lead you to make unsafe choices, like dozing off on the couch instead of moving to a properly arranged bed.
The same concerns arise with factors such as consuming alcohol, sedative medications, or smoking in the baby’s vicinity—all of which heighten the risks associated with bed-sharing. If mothers are only told that bed-sharing is unacceptable, they might neglect to take necessary precautions to keep their infants safe.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that the practicalities of caring for a newborn, paired with extreme fatigue, mean many mothers will inevitably fall asleep while nursing, making it essential to focus on safe bed-sharing practices instead of outright prohibitions.
Dr. Mitchell offers a simple mnemonic to remember the key guidelines for safe sleeping. “When considering dozing off while feeding, think of the letter ‘F’,” she says.
The “Fs” of Safe Bed-Sharing
- Face-up: Your baby should sleep on their back
- Flat: Use a firm mattress
- Free of hazards: Ensure the bed is devoid of pillows, soft bedding, or heavy covers that could obstruct the baby’s breathing
- Feeding: Ideally, your baby should be exclusively breastfed
- Free of others: Limit bed-sharing to the mother and baby only—partners should be positioned away from the baby
- Fully aware: Mothers should not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- Fresh air: Ensure the environment is smoke-free and comfortable temperature-wise
- Fully vaccinated: Keep vaccinations up to date
Additionally, Dr. Mitchell cautions against sleeping with your baby on couches or armchairs, and advises against bed-sharing with ill or premature babies without a doctor’s approval. For more comprehensive safe sleep information, La Leche League provides excellent guidelines.
While no bed-sharing practice is devoid of risks, consulting a trusted healthcare provider about any concerns is vital. Following safety guidelines can greatly reduce those risks. Even if you don’t intend to bed-share regularly, it’s likely you’ll occasionally doze off while breastfeeding, so having a safety plan is essential.
Now, snuggle up to your little one and enjoy those fleeting nighttime cuddles—they grow up so quickly. For more insights on home insemination, check out our post on intracervical insemination and learn about the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, consider visiting Progyny’s blog.
Summary
This article advocates for a shift in focus from shaming nursing mothers over bed-sharing to teaching them how to do it safely. It emphasizes the importance of educating parents on safe sleep practices that allow for both breastfeeding and restful nights, highlighting the realities of new motherhood.