Navigating the world of pregnancy can be a delicate balance, and it quickly becomes clear that there are certain things that can annoy expectant mothers. While compliments about their glow are nice, sometimes some folks just can’t resist pushing buttons. If you’re looking to test the patience of a pregnant woman, consider these classic tactics.
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Launch into Your Birth Story
Even if she tries to walk away, follow her with every gruesome detail of your own birthing experience. The more graphic, the better! Keep probing her feelings by asking if she’s scared. If she insists she’s not, challenge her by suggesting she should be, and don’t forget to bring up your episiotomy one more time. -
Offer Unwanted Name Suggestions
It’s unlikely that she and her partner have settled on a name, so why not throw in your two cents? Share a couple of names that popped into your mind during your commute, and if you come up with something silly, shout it at her belly. For instance, “How’s it going in there, Captain Fuzzy Pants?!” -
Make Comments About Her Size
If she appears to be carrying a bit more weight, ask if she’s sure there isn’t a second baby in there or if she’s really due in two months. Conversely, if she looks smaller, inquire about where she’s hiding it. This can create unnecessary worries and is a great double whammy. -
Dampen Her Spirits
Whenever she seems happy or is enjoying a moment, jump in with a “Just wait until the baby arrives!” Remind her of the challenges ahead, because clearly, she’s not aware of how tough parenting can be. -
Critique Her Choices
Seemingly harmless decisions like her diet or daily activities suddenly become your business. Give her disapproving looks when she indulges in that cup of coffee, as if her choices could somehow ruin her baby’s future. -
Probe About the Pregnancy’s Circumstances
The less you know her, the better. Casually ask if her pregnancy was planned, and if she seems offended, just shrug it off with, “Whoa, easy, it was just a question.” This is sure to make her feel uncomfortable. -
Inquire About the Sex of the Baby
If she reveals the gender of her baby, ask her if she’s disappointed it’s not the other one. If she opts not to find out, act shocked and ask why she wouldn’t want to know. It subtly implies she’s not invested in her own child. -
Ask About Natural Conception
This is a prime opportunity to breach privacy. Ask if her conception was natural, especially in front of strangers. If she gets defensive, just feign innocence. It’s a delightful dilemma for her. -
Act Surprised at Her Pregnancy’s Duration
Toward the end of her term, express shock each time you see her. Say things like, “Are you STILL pregnant?” or “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” This serves as a not-so-subtle reminder of the impending labor. -
Touch Her Belly Without Permission
If you don’t know her well, just approach and rub her belly while making strange sounds. Get up close to her belly button and talk into it like it’s a microphone. If she doesn’t react negatively, speculate about the baby’s inactivity and suggest she consult her doctor.
Navigating pregnancy can be a wild ride, and it’s essential to tread lightly. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this comprehensive resource.
Summary:
The article humorously outlines ten ways to annoy a pregnant woman, ranging from sharing graphic birth stories to unsolicited comments about her choices. It emphasizes the importance of being considerate during this special time while also providing links to resources for further information on pregnancy and home insemination.