It’s likely you have no idea just how impactful your words were that day. At the moment, you may not have thought much of them, nor perhaps have given them a second thought since. Nonetheless, your comment has lingered in my mind for months.
The situation was straightforward: I saw my son approach the counter and ask for stickers. I gently prompted him to repeat his request, this time making sure he engaged in eye contact with the cashier. He hesitated for a moment, connected with her, expressed his gratitude, and dashed off to create his sticker art.
And that’s when you spoke up.
You probably weren’t aware that I had dedicated countless hours to nurturing this social skill in my son. You may not have realized that this very ability to make eye contact is a significant milestone identified by his doctor in relation to his autism diagnosis.
Even if your intention was merely to commend a mother for guiding her child to make eye contact, it was a gesture that truly resonated with me. It made your words all the more meaningful.
The Parent-Shaming Culture
In our society, it’s all too rare for parents to receive encouragement from strangers. Yet, that brief moment of recognition was powerful enough for me to reflect on it for months, and ultimately, to share this experience.
Parenting is often described as a thankless endeavor, but I believe the most overlooked aspect is not that our children fail to grasp the depth of our sacrifices. Rather, it’s that so many onlookers fail to see it as well.
When passersby witness our children having meltdowns or displaying typical childish behavior—running ahead, throwing tantrums, or resisting our affection—they often judge us as negligent or poorly disciplined. This snap judgment occurs without a moment’s hesitation, denying us an opportunity for empathy or understanding.
The reality is, modern environments are largely designed for adults and often impose adult expectations on children, creating a subtle divide between parents and non-parents.
In that brief moment, you bridged that gap.
I once found myself on a train platform when a cheerful little boy, likely between four and six years old, bounded up the stairs with his parents, singing and hopping with glee. An elderly woman nearby scoffed and remarked to her husband about moving away from the “nuisance,” claiming that if she had a son, he would never behave like that.
Hearing her judgment ignited a fire within me, and I almost retorted. But thankfully, the family was too far away to hear her snide comments, continuing on blissfully.
Where Have All the Children Gone?
What struck me about that woman was her sense of entitlement to a particular experience in a shared public space—one that was inherently unfriendly to children. The natural exuberance of the boy was something any understanding of child development would endorse.
What if society embraced this attitude to the extreme? What would it take for that joyful little boy to suppress his natural behaviors and “act like an adult”? It’s a sobering thought.
Kids are increasingly confined to parks, play areas, and specialized experiences that often come with a hefty price tag. We’ve compartmentalized family life to the extent that it feels marginalized.
Why are we cultivating such a disdain for children? What drives us to stifle the spontaneous joy expressed by a lively child in a public space? Does it reflect something we’re uncomfortable confronting in ourselves?
There’s a growing trend of individuals who identify as “not a kid person.” I once considered myself part of that group, but my perspective shifted unexpectedly through teaching preschool.
After years in academia, interacting with these unfiltered bundles of energy deeply affected me, transforming my heart and my outlook on children. I began to see these little beings as embodiments of love, embodying the very essence of joy.
Finding Joy in Kids and the Kids Within Ourselves
From an evolutionary standpoint, having a dislike for children is inherently abnormal. We are wired to nurture not only our own offspring but also those of other species.
It took me time to realize that my avoidance of children said far more about my own issues than it did about child behavior. I am grateful that my experiences in preschool teaching opened my heart.
Your spontaneous kindness, dear stranger, in that fast-food restaurant, genuinely touched me. You took a moment to acknowledge a mother, a complete stranger, for encouraging her son to make eye contact. Your open heart resonated with mine and inspired me to reciprocate that kindness.
As my heart continues to open, I find myself becoming a better mother, friend, sister, and neighbor. Parents deserve moments of uplift because they engage in some of the most profound emotional labor. They are shaping the next generation—the creators, innovators, and stewards of our world.
Thank you for your seemingly trivial act of kindness that has reverberated deeply within me. May I pay it forward and let it echo even further.
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Summary
A stranger’s simple compliment to a mother in a fast-food restaurant highlighted the often overlooked kindness parents need amidst a culture of judgment. The author reflects on how this brief moment of recognition resonated deeply, illustrating the challenges parents face in a world designed for adults. Through personal anecdotes, the piece explores societal attitudes towards children and the joy they can inspire, ultimately emphasizing the importance of compassion and understanding in parenting.