Emotions like confusion, shock, grief, sadness, heartache, and fear surfaced unexpectedly on a seemingly ordinary Wednesday morning. It was spring break, and my husband had taken the day off to spend time with our three excited kids. While he prepared tiny pieces of sweet pastries from our favorite bakery for them, I found myself hiding in the bathroom.
I was on the phone with an OB nurse, struggling with menstrual cramps that had become unbearable since Saturday. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and despite warm baths, Tylenol, and heating pads, the pain was too much. Feeling guilty and a bit embarrassed as a 31-year-old woman for calling about cramps, I didn’t expect what was coming next.
The nurse patiently walked me through my symptoms before suggesting I take a pregnancy test, just to be sure. “I know I’m on my period; I can’t be pregnant,” I insisted. Nevertheless, she urged me to take the test, “Just as a precaution.” Reluctantly, I did. As I waited for the single lines to confirm my certainty, I suddenly noticed another faint line appearing. “Wait a minute. There’s definitely a plus sign. Oh my God, am I really pregnant?”
I was overwhelmed. I called for my husband and burst into tears, showing him the test. We stood together, staring at the stick that had previously brought us joy, now signaling an unexpected and terrifying reality.
The nurse’s tone was gentle as she instructed me to come in for further evaluation. I braced myself for difficult conversations and dreaded the news of no heartbeat, but in my shock, I told my husband to stay home with the kids. Looking back, this decision seemed strange, but I was consumed by fear and confusion.
At the clinic, a technician with sad, understanding eyes greeted me. I asked her to be honest with what she saw. “I know why I’m here,” I said. After an ultrasound, she informed me that there was a lot of fluid and nothing in my uterus. “Have you ever heard of an ectopic pregnancy?” she asked. My heart sank as I Googled the term, frantically sending information to my husband, “This is what’s happening. Waiting for the doctor now.”
When the nurse returned, she said my doctor wanted to speak with me in his office. I was then taken to a room labeled “Education,” where a nurse arrived to tell me we needed to head to the ER. I felt lost and dazed, unsure of why I was being moved around and what lay ahead.
As I registered at patient intake, my husband’s calm voice broke through my fog of confusion. He had just spoken with the doctor and would be there soon. My heart raced when he mentioned a procedure. “What procedure?” I cried, tears streaming down my face.
The urgency of the situation became clear when I was led into a prep room, where nurses rushed to prepare me for surgery. They explained that the ectopic pregnancy had caused my fallopian tube to rupture, leading to internal bleeding. I quickly became a whirlwind of chaos, with staff surrounding me, drawing blood, and asking questions. I had no time to comprehend what was happening.
Amidst the turmoil, a bereavement nurse began discussing options for support. Overwhelmed, I asked her to stop and give me space. I needed to breathe. In that moment of quiet, I asked a sympathetic nurse to pray with me. As she held me, I felt a wave of profound sadness wash over me, realizing I had unknowingly lost a baby.
After surgery, my husband was by my side. He had made it just in time, having been warned that my doctor wouldn’t wait. They had removed my right fallopian tube, but I was reassured that I could still conceive in the future. I was told I needed to take it easy and that it was okay to cry. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on my heart.
Why share such a personal experience? As a writer, I feel compelled to translate my heartache into words. I’m processing not just the loss but the unexpected journey of motherhood that was cut short. For those considering their own paths to parenthood, resources like this one at Intracervical Insemination and Make a Mom provide valuable information. Additionally, for anyone curious about the IVF process, this article offers insight into what to expect.
In summary, I faced an ectopic pregnancy without even realizing I was expecting. The emotions and chaos surrounding this experience were overwhelming, but I hope that sharing my story might resonate with others navigating similar paths.