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Today, I Made a Life-Changing Call
by Emma Johnson
Updated: November 11, 2020
Originally Published: November 11, 2020
As long as I can remember, anxiety has been a part of my life. It fluctuates like the tides, but from the moment I began to understand my feelings, I recognized that my worrying was excessive.
During my childhood, I often dismissed my anxious feelings, attributing them to the excitement and nerves of new experiences. I was so absorbed in discovering life and myself that the stress felt normal and unavoidable.
However, as I transitioned into adulthood, my anxiety became more pronounced. Moments that seemed trivial, like a neighbor’s odd glance or a relative’s comment about my outfit, would trigger intense episodes of worry.
My mind has always processed emotions in rapid succession. I seldom focus on just one thought; instead, a single idea spirals into a cascade of a thousand others, predominantly revolving around self-doubt and guilt. It’s a mental game I’ve perfected over the years.
Today, I’m happily married to a wonderful partner, and we have two beautiful children who fill my life with joy. Yet, the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood have not alleviated my anxiety; in fact, they sometimes intensify it.
The truth is, being an anxious person doesn’t equate to being an unhappy one. I can feel deeply fulfilled while simultaneously grappling with overwhelming worries. In fact, the more goodness I encounter in life, the more my anxieties seem to surface.
Fortunately, I have a fantastic therapist who supports me. I engage in running, meditation, and strive to eat healthily, occasionally enjoying a glass of wine, and attempting to get to bed early. I’ve experimented with various supplements and CBD products, going through countless self-care routines and well-meaning suggestions.
However, we live in a world that many, including myself, find hard to comprehend. A virus disrupts our lives, claiming lives globally and dictating our daily routines. Our nation feels divided in ways that seem irreparable, and it’s disheartening to see how many people hold strong opinions that clash with my own.
I worry deeply about the future my children will inherit, and I am constantly troubled by how to create a safer, more equitable world for them.
So today, I made a significant call. It was a decision long in the making, one I’ve contemplated countless times—considering the advantages and drawbacks, trying to ascertain if it was the right step for me.
I called my doctor to finally discuss medication for my anxiety. I cannot continue living in this state. I need to be present for my husband and children, but most importantly, for myself. I refuse to let my anxious thoughts continue to berate me. I deserve better mental health. I deserve liberation from the grip of anxiety that has plagued me since childhood.
Some may view this choice as misguided, but I’m beyond caring. I’ve endured this emotional struggle long enough. It’s time for a change. It’s time to confront this challenge head-on and discover a healthier way to navigate it. I have many years ahead of me, and I deserve peace. If medication is the key to achieving that, then it’s time to embrace it.
This article was originally published on November 11, 2020.
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Summary:
Emma Johnson shares her personal journey with anxiety, detailing how it has evolved from childhood into adulthood. Despite experiencing joy in her family life, she grapples with overwhelming worries, particularly in the context of current global challenges. After much contemplation, she decides to seek medication to help manage her anxiety, emphasizing her need for improved mental health for herself and her family.