I’ve always understood that excessive clutter and an overload of “stuff” can take a toll on my mental well-being. My housekeeping skills leave much to be desired, and our home may not resemble a magazine spread, but I have a strong aversion to clutter. It overwhelms me and elicits a physical response. I remember watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, where I had to pause multiple times because the chaotic “before” scenes made me feel suffocated.
It doesn’t take much to spark my anxiety—a few misplaced socks or scattered shoes can set me off. While I go about my day, just one glance at the dirty dishes stacking up in the living room or the old magazines littering the dining area can trigger a meltdown. Even an overabundance of “good” things—like a closet bursting with clothes or rooms filled to the brim—can be overwhelming.
I’ve always been aware of my sensitivity to clutter, but I didn’t realize until recently how it intertwines with anxiety. To cope, I regularly declutter. I don’t keep many trinkets or sentimental items; I even discarded my high school yearbooks long ago. I avoid shopping unless absolutely necessary and strive for a minimalist lifestyle whenever possible, though I still indulge in the occasional pair of new flip-flops or stylish sunglasses.
Understanding the Impact on Our Children
However, I’ve recently come to understand how this accumulation of stuff negatively affects my children as well. We live in a society that pressures us to keep up with the Joneses. As parents, we often feel compelled to provide our kids with the best life possible. For many, this translates into living in the finest home we can afford, enrolling them in numerous extracurricular activities, and ensuring they possess the trendiest clothes and gadgets.
We are constantly bombarded with the notion that bigger is better. But, honestly? It’s utterly exhausting and unhealthy to maintain this mindset. So, I’ve decided to step back from this race. I’ve chosen to let go of the need to keep up. But, when it comes to my kids, it’s a different story. While I manage to limit my own possessions, children seem to attract things effortlessly, often exhibiting hoarder-like tendencies.
Moreover, kids today are growing up in an era characterized by instant gratification. With the ability to stream shows without commercials, purchase items with a single click, and receive deliveries the next day thanks to services like Amazon Prime, they have little tolerance for even the slightest delay or inconvenience.
Even though my children may not share my passion for minimalism—often protesting their “need” for countless Pokemon cards—it’s vital they experience the benefits of a decluttered life. Just because they don’t seem affected by the chaos doesn’t mean it isn’t impacting them negatively. As psychologist Dr. Emma Fisher points out in a recent article, clutter can create undue stress, even if individuals are unaware of its effects.
Addressing the Chaos
Our children are already inundated with stimuli from packed school days, after-school activities, and screen time. Why add more chaos to their already busy lives? Furthermore, our obsession with more is harming the planet. Since 1950, over 8.3 billion tons of plastic have been produced, with a significant portion ending up in landfills and oceans, threatening wildlife and ecosystems. Alarmingly, while only 3% of the world’s children reside in the U.S., they own 40% of the toys. Additionally, the average American now possesses three times as many clothes as in 1930, discarding around 65 pounds of clothing every year.
This endless pursuit of more isn’t just damaging our planet; it’s detrimental to our well-being. Americans are working longer hours, taking fewer vacations, and delaying retirement, leading to widespread stress and burnout. If we don’t teach our children to step off this relentless cycle of bigger, better, newer—or prevent them from getting on it in the first place—how can we expect to create change?
I recognize that my kids are fortunate to have their basic needs met, including food, safety, and modern conveniences. However, I’ve observed that they often take these advantages for granted. They complain about needing the latest items and whine when deliveries take longer than expected.
Despite my aversion to clutter, I find myself struggling with these issues as well. When my son expressed dissatisfaction with his shirts, my instinct was to shop online for replacements. However, even though our budget could afford it, I knew it wasn’t necessary. Instead, I engaged in challenging discussions with him about why he can make do with what he currently owns.
Creating Change as Parents
Ultimately, it begins with us as parents. Just because we have the means doesn’t mean we should always indulge in upgrades, whether it’s a new car, the latest gadgets for our kids, or a larger home.
I’m working on extending my minimalist approach to my kids and our family life. We’re currently participating in a 30-day challenge where we give away one item on the first day, two items on the second, and so forth. We’re now on day 12, and it’s proving to be quite challenging.
More importantly, it’s about being intentional about what we buy in the first place. Change doesn’t have to be monumental; small adjustments can lead to significant improvements. For us, that means opting to repair our old minivan instead of upgrading to a new one. It involves having our kids share a room to minimize the space their belongings occupy. It also means utilizing local “buy nothing” groups to acquire what we need and dispose of what we no longer use. We prioritize spending on experiences and travel over bigger homes or new furniture, and we discuss the rationale behind our purchases with our children.
These are not simple matters, and everyone must find their comfort zone. For me, my strong aversion to clutter and my ethical concerns about the consumerist culture may push me further along this path than others. Still, it’s essential for each family to determine their own balance. One undeniable truth remains: when it comes to excess, less truly is more.
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In summary, the ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ mentality is detrimental to our children’s growth and well-being. By adopting a minimalist approach and fostering an environment where less is valued over more, we can help our kids appreciate what they have and reduce the stress caused by clutter.