Parenting Insights
Updated: September 12, 2023
Originally Published: April 29, 2019
During those chaotic early months of my daughter’s life, it became clear to me that I was destined to raise an only child. I distinctly remember cradling my wailing baby while looking at my partner and asking, “How do our friends manage to juggle a toddler and a newborn?” Even now, I’m baffled by their ability to pull it off.
As my daughter approaches her second birthday, the relentless inquiries about “when are you going to try for baby number two?” have intensified. Honestly, those questions started before she was even born, which is mind-boggling considering I was still figuring out the whole parenting thing! The societal pressure to have another child feels overwhelming at times, and it’s honestly stressful.
Friends and family often say things like, “Don’t you want your child to have someone to play with?” or “Shouldn’t they have a sibling to rely on in life?” While these sentiments are quite appealing, multiple considerations lead my husband and I to embrace the “one and done” philosophy.
Here are my top 10 reasons for choosing to raise an only child:
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Exhaustion is Real.
Both my husband and I work full-time, and by the time we return home, prepare dinner, and get our daughter to bed, we are utterly drained. The thought of waking up in the middle of the night to soothe a newborn is unfathomable. I admire those who can handle it a second time; they truly deserve superhero status!
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Sleep Deprivation Isn’t Pretty.
You know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Well, let’s just say I’m a friendly Dr. Jekyll with ample sleep, but when I’m short on rest, I transform into a rather disagreeable Mr. Hyde. The sleep deprivation I experienced with my newborn was so intense that I once cried and begged my husband to take our daughter back to the hospital. I have no desire to revisit that ordeal!
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I Crave Independence.
I’ll admit something that may raise eyebrows—I want a life outside of work and parenting. This may sound shocking, but I believe that caring for myself is essential. I love my family dearly, but I need time away to explore my own interests, like meditation and spirituality. This balance rejuvenates me and amplifies my appreciation for my family during our time together.
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Childcare Costs Are Through the Roof.
In California, I spend over $1,000 each month on part-time toddler care. Thankfully, our parents help watch her the other days, but adding another child would stretch our finances thin. We’d have to forgo fun outings like dinners or trips to the zoo, which simply isn’t appealing when I want to focus on joy and experiences.
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I Don’t Want to Risk It.
I’ve seen many friends who believed their first child was perfect, only to be surprised by a second child with a challenging temperament. The last thing I want is to disrupt the harmony we’ve cultivated. Why risk what’s currently working well for us?
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I Miss Quality Time with My Partner.
It’s been ages since my husband and I had a date night alone. I genuinely miss having uninterrupted conversations that don’t revolve around our daughter’s latest antics. A second child would only complicate our ability to reconnect, and I value the time we have to enjoy each other’s company.
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The College Fund Dilemma.
After searching “how expensive is college” online, I was shocked by the staggering figures. With average costs soaring, I’m committed to starting a college fund for my daughter. Realistically, I believe we could only afford to do this for one child, ensuring she has the opportunity for higher education or vocational training.
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Dreaming of Family Adventures.
While I’m focused on saving for college, I also dream of taking my daughter on memorable family vacations. My husband envisions visiting the East Coast’s historic sites, while I dream of exploring different cultures overseas. Traveling is costly, and it’s more manageable with one child.
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My Own Joy as an Only Child.
Family legends say I expressed a desire to be an only child from a young age. I thrived in my imaginative world, had various pets, never had to share a room, and received my parents’ undivided attention. Those experiences shaped me into who I am today, and I cherish my upbringing.
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Life Has No Guarantees.
As I’ve navigated the loss of loved ones, I’ve sometimes wished for a sibling to share the burden of grief. However, I’ve also realized that sibling relationships aren’t guaranteed to be strong or supportive. My husband, who has siblings, isn’t particularly close to them, reminding me that family dynamics can vary widely.
These are the primary reasons my husband and I have decided to keep our family as a trio—the Three Musketeers, as we affectionately call ourselves. While this choice is right for us, it’s essential to acknowledge that every family’s situation is unique. I know many larger families who thrive despite the challenges I’ve mentioned. Ultimately, it’s about what suits your family best. If you’re contemplating the “one and done” choice, know that I support your decision wholeheartedly.
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Summary:
This article outlines the reasons behind choosing to raise an only child, emphasizing personal experiences, societal pressures, financial considerations, and the desire for independence. It encourages readers to reflect on their circumstances and choices in family planning.