You can picture the moment: a close friend has finally brought her long-anticipated baby into the world, and your instinct is to rush over to cuddle that little one. It takes every ounce of willpower not to rush to the hospital and disrupt the few precious hours she has with attentive staff. Whether it’s the allure of that new baby scent or the fear of hurting Mama’s feelings by not showing interest, you’re determined to hold that baby. But wait—let’s reconsider that approach.
As someone who has navigated the early weeks of motherhood, I can tell you that visitors can sometimes feel overwhelming. After just a couple of months with my newborn, I realized I didn’t want friends stopping by, especially if they were bringing their loud voices and unfamiliar faces, which could overstimulate my sensitive baby. I assure you, I wouldn’t have felt neglected if no one came to visit. Most days, I was too exhausted, overwhelmed, and covered in baby spit-up to care about feeling lonely.
Before becoming a mom, I was one of those friends who would show up just to hold the baby. To all the new moms I might have inconvenienced, I sincerely apologize. No new mother is sitting at home wishing for visitors to come empty-handed to hold her baby. Trust me, I’m no Baby Whisperer.
One time, I arrived at a friend’s house solely to hold her newborn, and I ended up eating dinner that her husband had prepared for them. How could I have thought that was okay? Now, as a mother myself, I’ve come to understand that if you want to hold that baby in the first few months before the delightful new baby smell fades, there are some essential guidelines to follow:
1. Bring Food They’ll Enjoy
Bring a take-out meal from a nice restaurant, and ensure there’s enough for Dad too. Splurge a little; they won’t be dining out for a while. If you can’t afford a decent meal, reconsider whether you should even be holding that baby.
2. Don’t Eat Their Food
If Mama offers you some of her home-cooked meal, politely decline. Remember, you’re not a guest; you’re a visitor, and everything you don’t eat becomes leftovers for her. Keep your eyes peeled for those insincere offers—she might not even realize she’s making them.
3. Bring a Thoughtful Gift
Even if you’ve already given a shower gift, check what else she might need. Simple things like pacifiers or replacement pump parts can be incredibly helpful. Always ask about the type of diapers they prefer—wrong choices can lead to some very unpleasant nights.
4. Capture Moments
If you’re handy with a camera, bring it along. Take some lovely photos and share them with her later, free of charge.
5. Dress Appropriately
Avoid bringing clothes that don’t suit the current season or that are too large. Babies grow fast, so think practically.
6. Skip the Decorative Items
New moms don’t need you to decorate their nursery with knick-knacks. Keep your oversized stuffed animals and inspirational quotes at home; less is more, especially when dusting becomes a chore.
7. Be Helpful
If your friend tends to be controlling about her space, remind her that soon enough, she won’t have as much control.
8. Do the Dishes
If you see dirty dishes, just start washing them. Don’t ask if she needs help; she’ll likely decline, even if she’s silently pleading for assistance.
9. Tackle the Laundry
If there’s a pile of clean clothes waiting to be folded, step right in and take care of it.
10. Be Proactive
One of my friends not only brought food but also called from the store to ask if I needed anything, like nursing pads, which I desperately did. Another friend came over, and while her husband entertained the baby, she cleaned my kitchen. That was a game-changer for me.
11. Don’t Be the “Just Holding the Baby” Friend
There were times when visitors came empty-handed, and I thought, “Really? You didn’t even bring anything?” Don’t be that person.
If you’ve been a friend who only held the baby in the past, it’s not too late to change. Make a mental note to buy a thoughtful gift for the baby’s next birthday, and know that one day, you’ll find yourself wishing for those baby-holding friends to show up at your door.
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In summary, when visiting a new mom, it’s important to be mindful and helpful rather than just a baby holder. Bringing food, gifts, and offering assistance can make a huge difference during a challenging time.