Trigger Warning: Anorexia, Eating Disorders
I found myself eating just once a day around Halloween — it felt simpler that way. A cup of coffee for breakfast, an energy drink or another coffee around mid-afternoon, and a light dinner. The weight came off rapidly, and I discovered I enjoyed losing it. This marked the beginning of my struggle with anorexia.
For me, it manifested as days without food. I learned to conceal how infrequently I ate, avoiding situations where eating was expected, like dining out. I swapped meals for coffee, and when my partner left town for six days, I managed to eat just three times — and I felt a sense of pride. It seemed easier than sticking to a low-carb diet or enduring workouts on the exercise bike. I simply didn’t eat. And when I occasionally did, I made sure it was the least caloric option available. If anyone questioned me, I labeled it “intermittent fasting.”
In just six months, I dropped ten sizes.
When I began, I was technically classified as obese. Now, I’m considered to be at a “healthy weight.” Yet, no one sees me as a “recovering anorexic” still grappling with the challenge of eating like a typical person. Instead, they exclaim, “Wow, you look amazing! You’ve lost so much weight! Congratulations!” Their happiness for me and compliments about my appearance have never been more abundant.
This creates a significant issue. It illustrates why comments about someone’s weight should never happen. Unless someone brings it up, the subject should remain untouched.
First, such comments imply that weight loss is inherently positive. They rest on the assumption that thinner bodies are superior, a misconception I fell victim to (and still do at times), which contributed to my disordered eating in the first place. This belief is harmful not only to women struggling with eating disorders but to all women’s self-image.
When people praise someone for losing weight, it suggests that those with larger bodies aren’t deserving of similar compliments, insinuating their bodies are lacking. I certainly believed that about my own.
The praise I received for my weight loss fed my feelings of validation, reinforcing my belief that my starvation regime was effective. Many individuals facing anorexia or similar issues often experience body dysmorphia, making it difficult to accurately perceive their own appearance. Compliments about my size became a form of validation, a way of saying, “Hey, your restrictive eating is working; keep it up.” It inadvertently encouraged my harmful habits.
Deep down, though, I sensed something was amiss. I yearned for someone to notice my struggles, to take my arm and say, “I think there’s something wrong. You might need help.” Instead of concern, I received encouragement to maintain my drastic weight loss. I felt isolated, misunderstood, and invisible.
While I soaked up the compliments, a part of me wanted to scream, “Do you even know the lengths I went to for this size? Would you care if you did?” It reinforced the notion that my worth was tied to a thinner figure, a realization that was painful to confront.
This also revealed a troubling truth about my social circle. Many of my friends, especially male ones, don’t truly embrace body positivity. They believe a thinner body is a more desirable body, often complimenting my new appearance. Even my husband insists I’m beautiful at any size, yet every other male friend has remarked positively about my weight loss. My family has echoed similar sentiments, preferring me at my current size.
This recognition leaves me anxious about gaining weight again. What would they think? They might not voice their opinions, but I know they would notice. “Look at her face; it looks fuller.” “She gained weight; she couldn’t keep it off.” It’s a dreadful thought, making me feel unattractive and pressured to sustain my weight loss, even to lose more.
Consequently, eating becomes a struggle. I feel guilt for indulging in snacks, like a handful of crackers and a cheesy dip — that was my entire intake for the day. I plan to have dinner, but the guilt lingers, knowing that society judges any weight gain.
Praising someone for losing weight means more than you realize. It translates to: “Good job, you look better now.” It conveys that a thinner body is valued more. It sends a message to maintain that weight or face the disapproval of others. It reveals underlying beliefs about body image and implies a need for significant change.
To learn more about insemination and family planning, check out this resource which offers valuable insights, or visit Make a Mom for expert guidance on your journey.
Summary
In conclusion, commenting on someone’s weight can have profound implications, particularly for those struggling with body image and eating disorders. Such remarks can unintentionally reinforce harmful beliefs about self-worth tied to appearance. It’s essential to approach conversations about weight with sensitivity, recognizing that compliments can carry hidden meanings that might not align with the person’s true experience.