“I really needed to hear that; you were completely right,” my friend Sarah confessed after I shared my thoughts. She had been venting about a mutual friend who showed no signs of changing her hurtful behavior, yet she continued to cling to the friendship. Despite her passive-aggressive remarks and gossiping tendencies, Sarah kept making excuses to keep this friend in her life. I finally told her that if she wasn’t going to take action, she needed to accept things as they were and stop complaining.
Honestly, I was tired of the back-and-forth, and I could sense she was too. I gently reminded her that if she wanted to maintain that friendship, that was her choice, but I had better things to do than listen to the same grievances repeatedly.
Does that sound harsh? I believe it’s possible to care for our friends while not endorsing all their choices. We can express our love by being honest rather than pretending everything is fine. I’m not interested in getting caught up in someone else’s drama; those two concepts can coexist.
I’m not the type to sugarcoat things or pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows. When someone asks for my advice, I can’t lie and tell them they’re making wise decisions if I genuinely believe otherwise, even if it might ruffle a few feathers. I expect to be held accountable to my best self by those I care about, and I extend the same courtesy to them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think being honest is a form of compassion, not cruelty. Sure, I could easily reassure my friends and family with comforting words, but that wouldn’t be true to myself. I wouldn’t want them to rely on me for validation that they can’t get elsewhere. After all, isn’t that the definition of a needy, insincere friend?
If someone seeks my guidance and I suggest they take the easy way out without addressing their problematic behavior, that’s not only unkind but also disingenuous. I’m not saying they have to follow my advice to remain my friend; I just refuse to stay silent about my feelings in order to keep the peace. Remaining silent while a friend makes choices that could hurt them is a recipe for resentment, and I want to avoid that in my friendships.
To clarify, I’m not advocating for insults or kicking someone when they’re down. If a friend is struggling, there’s no need to add salt to their wounds. This isn’t about shaming anyone; it’s about addressing clear issues. I’m talking about those glaring situations that require intervention. For instance, if a friend is texting their ex incessantly, or if they’re overly negative and wondering why their friends are disappearing, I’ll step in. Sometimes it even means pointing out that they have spinach stuck in their teeth while we’re out.
I’m all about helping friends avoid future missteps by speaking up. Sure, it’s easier to ignore the fact that your friend has boogers in their nose before a big night out, or to let them think they’re not acting obnoxiously after a few too many cocktails. While this approach may have cost me a few friendships, it’s how I operate. I value the honesty I give and expect it in return.
I prefer friends who aren’t afraid to call me out. It’s a way of lifting each other up and ensuring we don’t fall short of our potential. I’m okay with letting go of those who can’t handle tough conversations or who prefer to keep everything surface-level. I want to spend time with those who appreciate the honesty and will reciprocate it.
Finding moments to connect with friends can be a challenge, so I don’t want to waste time on shallow conversations. If you’re looking for more insights on navigating friendships and relationships, check out this post, which offers valuable advice.
In conclusion, honesty in friendships can be uncomfortable but ultimately necessary. It helps prevent future regrets and fosters stronger bonds based on mutual respect and understanding. For anyone interested in family planning and home insemination, I recommend looking into this excellent resource and considering fertility boosters for men.