A pivotal conversation with a friend changed everything for me. After years of struggling with anxiety, she decided to start taking medication. The relief she felt was palpable, and she seemed blissfully less anxious. I wholeheartedly supported her choice, yet I couldn’t shake the fear that accompanied the mention of medication. Like her, I had endured panic attacks, racing thoughts, and debilitating physical symptoms for years. My anxiety had been a constant companion since childhood, worsening when I attended college and later became a mother.
While I admired her courage in seeking help, I couldn’t help but wonder: if she needed medication, was I incapable of managing my anxiety on my own? It turns out, I was not alone in this struggle. Many individuals facing mental health challenges are burdened by stigmas that label us as “crazy,” unstable, or weak, leading to feelings of shame. According to the Mayo Clinic, such stigmas can hinder people from seeking necessary help—a realization that struck a chord with me.
I had tried numerous methods to avoid anxiety medication. I exercised regularly, which helped boost serotonin and dopamine levels. I maintained a healthy diet, filled with fruits, vegetables, and sufficient protein. I prioritized getting around eight hours of sleep each night and learned to say no to avoid overcommitting. Yet, even on days when I felt I had taken care of myself, anxiety loomed like an untamable monster, ready to pounce at any moment.
From a young age, I sensed an impending doom, although I couldn’t quite name it. I often experienced chronic stomach aches, shortness of breath, and dizziness. As a teenager, my doctor attributed my myriad symptoms to stress, suggesting I needed a punching bag to vent my frustrations. In college, panic attacks became a familiar experience as I would drive home from classes, suddenly drenched in sweat and gripped by an overwhelming sense of danger.
Anxiety ebbed and flowed throughout my adulthood. I had a brief respite during the early years of parenting my first two children, but when my son was born and I decided to stay home, my anxiety returned with a vengeance. The demanding days of caring for a preschooler, a toddler, and a newborn felt suffocating.
I intensified my self-care efforts and explored various supplements. While I attempted meditation, quieting my mind proved nearly impossible with little ones around. I experimented with different herbs, but found little relief. After some time, I acknowledged that I likely had generalized anxiety disorder, a diagnosis that many women, approximately 23%, will face in their lifetime.
When I confided in friends about my anxiety, I was surprised by their responses. Most admitted to having their own anxiety diagnoses and being on medication. Their honesty inspired me to finally approach my doctor. Walking into her office, I was filled with trepidation. Would she judge me? Why couldn’t I simply try harder to manage my anxiety?
To my relief, my doctor greeted me with understanding and empathy, assuring me that my concerns were not uncommon. She then asked a crucial question: what did I want to do next? Taking a deep breath, I admitted that I felt ready for medication. I was tired of feeling constantly tense and overwhelmed. Together, we discussed my options and decided on a suitable medication.
The initial feeling of relief was fleeting. As soon as I got into my car to head to the pharmacy, worry flooded my thoughts. Would the side effects be unbearable? Would I become a different person? The decision to start medication was just the first step; I had to navigate finding the right drug and dosage, which took several weeks of trial and error.
However, there was no going back for me. I struggled to function without medication while continuing my commitment to cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep. Eventually, my body adjusted to the medication. My panic attacks subsided, and my thoughts became manageable. I found myself feeling more relaxed, patient, and clear-headed, no longer consumed by worries about everything from accidents to upcoming appointments.
Reflecting on my journey, I deeply wished I had recognized my anxiety earlier and sought treatment sooner. I could have savored significant life moments like my graduation and wedding instead of being clouded by anxiety. I could have learned to enjoy life rather than filling every moment with distractions, even if that meant scrolling through my phone to escape my feelings.
In a moment of misguided optimism, I stopped taking my medication when I began to feel better. I believed I had finally conquered my anxiety, only to have it return with a vengeance when I faced a breast cancer diagnosis. Over the course of a year, I underwent numerous medical appointments and procedures, which reignited my anxiety. During this period, I returned to my anxiety medication to help manage the overwhelming worries and the post-traumatic stress of my cancer experience.
If you find yourself grappling with similar feelings, remember that stigmas surrounding mental health are harmful, and prioritizing your well-being is essential. Numerous strong women—like Lady Gaga, Serena Williams, and Taraji P. Henson—are openly discussing mental health, encouraging us to seek the help we deserve.
Looking back, I realize how harshly I judged those who opted for medication. They didn’t give up; they chose to confront their anxiety head-on and refused to let it dictate their lives. I’m grateful I made the same choice.
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Summary:
In this article, Jessica shares her transformative journey with anxiety medication, detailing her struggles with anxiety throughout her life. After years of avoiding medication, she found the courage to seek help and ultimately discovered how medication transformed her ability to manage her anxiety. Her story emphasizes the importance of addressing mental health stigmas and encourages others to prioritize their well-being.