I really don’t like to admit it, but nearly every conversation I have begins with the same exchange:
Other Person: “Hey, Emily! How’s it going?”
Me: “Oh my gosh, I’m so tired. How about you?”
I’m tired for countless reasons. I have kids, pets, and my mind never seems to take a break. I’m a bit of a neat freak, so while others are unwinding with a movie or a good book, I’m busy cleaning out the refrigerator or aligning all the game cards in our board games. My partner snores, our neighbors argue loudly, and there’s a group of the most obnoxious birds you can imagine right outside my bedroom window, singing their hearts out from dusk till dawn.
Health articles hint that my sleep issues could be linked to my thyroid, hormones, not enough exercise, or maybe too much caffeine or stress. Okay, they may not mention massages, but come on! Am I the only one who struggles to sleep yet finds themselves in a deep slumber the moment I pay for a massage? I had to find a solution, so I turned to my trusty friend Google.
I searched for “guaranteed sleep solution” for the umpteenth time, hoping for a miracle. Most of the advice was as useful as simply saying, “try to sleep more,” which makes me want to roll my eyes. Here’s a collection of some of the most intriguing sleep tips I found:
- Avoid alcohol before bed. I’m not entirely convinced that drinking earlier in the day is the answer, but I’m willing to experiment.
- Lower your stress levels. Oh wow, why didn’t I think of that? I’ll just quit my job and give my kids away. Feeling drowsy already!
- Invest in blackout curtains. Since I wake up well before the sun, I’m skeptical, but redecorating in the name of health sounds appealing, so I might browse Overstock.com for some fun new curtains.
- Don’t exercise three hours before bedtime. Okay, I’ll give it a shot.
- Snack before bed. A little late-night snack of carbs and protein could help boost serotonin, which sounds scientific enough for me. Who doesn’t love a good grilled cheese sandwich in bed?
- Don’t overindulge in snacks. On the flip side, going to bed too full can lead to restlessness. Clearly, these experts have never experienced the bliss of a Thanksgiving feast coma!
- Cut back on daytime naps. Seriously? The last time I napped was ages ago after a stomach bug. Thanks for the tip, sleep gurus!
- Unplug your clock. This sounds ludicrous. How would I know how late it is or calculate how much REM sleep I might get if I fell asleep right this second?
- Keep your phone out from under your pillow. Really?
- Avoid bright lights at night. So no bright lamps as part of my wind-down routine? Next, you’ll tell me to skip my after-dinner espresso!
- Limit caffeine intake. See above.
- Maintain a consistent sleep routine. Apparently, this means keeping the same bedtime on weekends as during the week. Luckily, my insomnia doesn’t check calendars, so I’m already a pro at this!
Finally, the best advice is to let it go. This isn’t professional guidance, but honestly, that’s often all we can do. We’ll sleep when we’re dead! In the meantime, if you find yourself staring at the clock, why not surprise your partner with a midnight delight? I bet that’ll get the trash taken out without you even having to ask!
If you want to delve deeper into related topics, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination, and for more on at-home options, visit Make a Mom.
Summary
This light-hearted piece shares humorous and relatable sleep solutions that many parents might find familiar. It emphasizes the challenges of sleeping while juggling family life and offers a range of expert tips, some of which may seem impractical. Ultimately, it suggests that a stress-free mindset might be the best approach to achieving better sleep.