Reflecting on my previous relationship, I can’t say my attraction to my ex-partner diminished after six months. However, one thing became clear: I longed for a more assertive approach during our intimate moments. Our sex life, once thrilling and spontaneous, started to feel too mundane for him, leading me to tone things down. I never shared my fantasies of being restrained, spanked, or taken by surprise against a wall.
Out of embarrassment, I contributed little to make things exciting. In my 20s, I lacked the confidence to voice my desires. The societal narrative I had internalized suggested that men chase women while women merely follow along. I know now that this is complete nonsense.
I craved a different experience to feel truly aroused, but my attempts to express my needs fell flat. One time, while trying to engage in some playful dirty talk, he laughed, completely ruining the mood. I felt utterly humiliated and never broached the topic again, forcing myself to endure a lackluster sex life for another decade.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. I encountered similar reactions with a college boyfriend who once labeled me “too wild” in bed when I attempted to spice things up with explicit talk. After facing rejection, why would I ever admit to wanting to be tied up or spanked? There were moments I questioned whether something was wrong with me.
But the truth is, I’m not abnormal. Well, actually, I embrace my inner wild side in the bedroom. Just as people have preferences for coffee or steak, they also have distinct desires when it comes to sex.
After my divorce, I made a vow to seek out the kind of sexual experiences I had always yearned for. I was determined to explore BDSM, which has various facets, and I was ready to communicate openly with partners about my desires.
Now in my 40s, I’ve gained confidence and clarity regarding what I want, and I’m no longer afraid to articulate it. If I don’t express my needs, I risk losing interest in intimacy altogether. I refuse to be laughed at because I desire a little smack on the backside or some dirty talk. If a man can’t handle that, I’ll find someone who can.
There’s no reason to suppress my sexual urges. I’ve grappled with my craving for BDSM long enough. Now, I understand that it’s about my preferences and what makes me feel empowered and desirable. I want it, I need it, and if a partner deems me “too much,” I recognize that the relationship simply won’t work.
Venturing back into the dating scene has allowed me to explore my desires. It quickly becomes apparent whether a man can take charge and give me what I crave. I’m less concerned about his financial status or physical appearance than whether he can handle a bit of roughness.
Yes, I want a relationship with a kind and respectful person, but that doesn’t mean I want to be treated like a doormat. Absolutely not! What I seek is a consensual dynamic between two adults. My boundaries are non-negotiable, and they must be respected.
I want to be cherished and adored, but I also want to be dominated in private. I deserve both. I know I’m not alone in this; many individuals feel the same but are often too embarrassed to discuss it openly.
In a relationship where I can openly share my needs, I feel safer and more fulfilled. I desire a connection with someone who matches my energy, someone who will playfully grab my belt loop and lead me upstairs for some intimate fun.
I want to be pushed onto the bed, tied up, and fully taken control of. I crave the thrill of being spanked hard and experiencing a little pain mixed with pleasure. I want to explore my sexuality without the fear of judgment or holding back.
In my everyday life, I’m in charge and often take the lead, especially as a single mother of three. But in intimate moments, I long to step out of those roles and follow someone else’s lead. I want to be blindfolded and kept in suspense; that unpredictability ignites a fire within me. I deserve this exhilarating experience.
While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, when it becomes routine, it can feel like the only thing that matters. I need more than just vanilla experiences to keep my interest alive, and I’m finished with feeling guilty about it. I’ve waited far too long for what I want, and I’m not getting any younger.
I understand the stigma surrounding BDSM and rougher sex, but that doesn’t mean I’m flawed or have “issues” to sort out. It also doesn’t mean I should accept poor treatment as part of the package.
Currently, I’m dating a man who opens car doors for me, praises me in public, and expresses how happy I make him, yet he also knows I crave a little bit of that edge when it comes to intimacy. It’s incredibly satisfying, and I’m relieved I finally found my voice.
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In summary, embracing my desires for BDSM has empowered me to seek fulfilling relationships where I can express my needs without shame. It’s about finding that perfect balance between respect and a little bit of wildness, and I’m finally ready to claim what I want.