It had been a few months since my ex-husband and I had amicably separated when I opened my Facebook one morning while preparing a smoothie. It was a Monday, right before the school year was about to kick off, and I was attempting to shift into work mode while my kids lingered in slumber.
Typically, I turn to Facebook to spark my creativity or to maintain a sense of connection with friends and family. It usually energizes my day, but that particular morning, it all went wrong. I found myself sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the stove for an hour, a sensation I had never experienced before. Normally, social media doesn’t evoke feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in me. However, that day was different.
As soon as I tapped the familiar blue app on my phone, I stumbled upon five pictures of my ex with his new girlfriend. They were sharing laughter at concerts, hiking through scenic trails, and enjoying frothy beers from plastic cups. They wore scarves that danced in the breeze, radiating joy as if they had just received life-changing news.
My ex-husband was smiling in a way that felt alien to me. His post expressed excitement about turning 40, attributing his renewed zest for life to this new woman. Had he ever expressed such sentiments during our nearly two-decade partnership? I couldn’t recall.
It was evident that his new relationship was bringing him happiness—happiness I hadn’t been able to offer him for quite some time. The realization hit me hard, twisting in my stomach, and rising to my throat. I struggled to identify the feelings swirling within me. I wanted to label them, process them, and move on, much like I would when organizing a cluttered drawer. But my ex and our divorce weren’t something I could simply tidy up and feel accomplished about.
In that moment, the only thing I felt compelled to do was unfriend him. It felt odd since we were on good terms. My ex and I have a mutual respect for one another; he is the father of my children, and we genuinely want the best for them. I value his thoughts, and I hold no negative feelings towards his girlfriend—she’s been wonderful to my kids, making her presence a blessing in our lives.
However, I reached my limit that Monday morning. I didn’t want to keep seeing images that reminded me of what we once had—reminders of what I had lost. It stung in a way I hadn’t anticipated. Although we had both agreed to part ways and encouraged each other to explore new relationships, those photos made me feel replaceable and thrown off balance.
I realized I could still be happy for him while choosing not to witness their new adventures online. I could be content knowing my kids see their father in love, yet I didn’t need those reminders flashing across my screen.
Initially, I felt a bit foolish for unfriending someone I still got along with, but I recognized the importance of prioritizing my mental health by curating my social media experience. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are; if something triggers painful feelings for you, and you have the power to change it, you should.
Don’t let the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings overshadow your own well-being. If you don’t assert control over your emotional landscape, no one else will.
After taking that step, I felt liberated. I no longer had to worry about being triggered during my attempts to regain my footing on a Monday morning. If anyone finds themselves in a similar situation and hesitates to take action, I’m more than willing to help. Hand me your phone, and I’ll handle the blocking and unfriending for you. You can even blame me for it. I bet you’ll feel a sense of relief afterward.
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Summary:
Navigating the emotional landscape after a separation can be challenging, especially when social media highlights changes in your ex’s life. In this reflective piece, Emma Johnson discusses the necessity of prioritizing mental health by removing triggers from her social media feed, even when it involves unfriending someone she respects. The importance of self-care and creating a positive environment is emphasized, encouraging readers to take control of their emotional well-being.