As my partner and I approach our 15th wedding anniversary, I recently texted her from upstairs, asking if she could turn on the air conditioning. She replied that it was already on, and I requested she lower it a couple of degrees. Her response? We need to save money. This exchange may seem mundane, but it’s a snapshot of our communication style after years of marriage.
Instead of taking the effort to discuss things face-to-face, we often resort to texting. With both of us juggling full-time jobs and parenting three children, most of our interaction occurs through quick messages. Unfortunately, these texts aren’t always meaningful; they typically involve logistics like who’s picking up the kids, grocery lists, or reminders about soccer practice. Occasionally, we spice it up with emojis or gifs—when we’re feeling particularly creative.
I do make an effort to send my partner an “I love you” text most days, but over time, these messages feel as uninspired as my request about the air conditioning. In the hustle and bustle of our lives, it’s easy to lose the essence of heartfelt communication.
If you can relate to this, you might find inspiration from Lisa Harris, a relationship writer on a popular site. She advocates for a method called the GFT, which stands for Goal, Feel, and Thanks. Here’s how it works: each day, you send your partner a message that includes one goal (G), something you’re feeling good about (F), and something you’re thankful for (T).
Breaking Down the GFT Method
To break this down further, your “goal” might be something simple, like organizing the living room or remembering to pick up the kids on time. It doesn’t have to be monumental—just a personal objective for the day.
Next is the “feel” component. This could be anything from feeling good about a recent workout, enjoying a delicious breakfast, or even something as small as completing a task on your to-do list. This part encourages you to share moments of accomplishment.
Lastly, the “thankful” section is where you express gratitude. It could be appreciating a warm cup of coffee, feeling lucky to have a loving partner, or simply being grateful for a sunny day. Reflecting on what you’re thankful for can actually enhance your mental well-being, making this last part crucial even if it seems understated.
Crafting this GFT message will likely take just a few minutes, but the impact could be profound. It’s a refreshing way to break through the monotonous logistical texts and fosters deeper understanding between partners. After years of marriage, it’s easy to think you know everything about your spouse, but people are ever-evolving. What your partner appreciates today may be different from what they valued years ago.
I’m excited to try this GFT approach in my relationship. I hope it allows us to look back at our texts and see growth, rather than just a record of laziness about turning down the air conditioning.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the GFT method offers a simple but effective way to rejuvenate communication in long-term relationships. By setting daily goals, sharing positive feelings, and expressing gratitude, couples can strengthen their bonds.
If you’re interested in further exploring family planning topics, check out this article on intracervical insemination. For more resources on your journey, Make a Mom provides valuable insights. Additionally, UCSF’s Center is an excellent source for pregnancy and home insemination information.