When I pick up my daughter from preschool, I wrap my arms around her and press my forehead against hers, savoring the feel of her soft, curly hair. At a glance, I appear to be just like any other parent welcoming their child, but beneath the surface, a different story unfolds. I struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD, and as I affectionately touch her lovely locks, my mind races with thoughts like: What has her hair come into contact with while she was at school? It could be contaminated. Should I rush home and make her take a bath? No? Are you sure? Are you even listening? THIS IS A RISK.
I’ve always cherished school — the laughter, the friends, the learning experiences. However, I didn’t develop OCD until after college, in my early twenties, so I don’t recall feeling anxious about germs in classrooms. My memories are filled with joy, not fear. I didn’t pay attention to sneezes or coughs; I simply enjoyed being a kid. But now, where you might see a doorknob, my mind envisions a parade of hands that may have touched it, each one potentially carrying illness.
OCD stems from a malfunction in the brain, specifically in the amygdala, which regulates our emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. For those of us with OCD, this part of the brain is hyperactive. While many associate OCD with fear of germs, that’s just one manifestation. Others may experience intrusive thoughts like believing that if they wear a certain shirt, something bad will happen to a loved one. The crux of OCD involves our brains generating distressing thoughts, which then triggers anxiety, leading us to engage in compulsive behaviors to alleviate that anxiety.
As I run my fingers through my daughter’s curly hair, my inner voice insists: What if her hair has picked up something harmful?
The silver lining is twofold: (1) I can manage my OCD, and so can others who face this challenge. (2) I must continue to embrace my daughter, which is something I adore. Before her nap, we settle together on her bed, and I read her stories, playing with her hair as she nestles into me.
My amygdala screams, “You’re all going to get sick!” I respond calmly: “That’s a possibility.” My heart races, and I feel like I might be sick, yet I persist in twirling her hair, refocusing on our story, and encouraging her to share about her day. Though the anxious voice persists, I allow it to fade into background noise. Yes, we might get sick, but I continue to twirl her hair, shower her with kisses, and sing her a gentle lullaby. Afterward, I brew some coffee and move forward with my day.
For those seeking more insights on similar experiences, you might find this article on home insemination kits helpful. Additionally, Make A Mom offers valuable resources on the topic, and WebMD provides excellent information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting while dealing with OCD can be a daunting task. However, with persistence and love, it’s possible to embrace both the challenges and joys of raising a child while managing the complexities of obsessive-compulsive disorder.