Recently, a troubling incident unfolded in Louisville where several girls were barred from attending their school dance due to dresses that were just an inch too short. In a similar vein, an elite high school swimmer in Alaska faced disqualification over her team swimsuit. My own 11-year-old daughter encountered a comparable situation when she was left out of a “class bonding” hiking trip.
The evening before the outing, I sat with her as she rummaged through her clothes for something suitable. I suggested she wear leggings tucked into her socks, a common practice in our area due to concerns about Lyme disease, which is carried by ticks lurking in our local woods.
“I can’t,” she protested. “If I wear leggings, I need to wear shorts over them, and that looks silly.” She explained the school’s policy banning “skinny” pants unless covered by shorts. This caught me off guard. If leggings were acceptable for sports practice, why not for a field trip? The school even conducted co-ed swimming lessons where boys surely saw more than just a girl in snug pants.
“Are you serious?” I asked, offering her jeans as an alternative.
“Not a chance. They’re too skinny; they have to be wide-leg,” she replied.
“Well, that defeats the purpose! What are you supposed to wear? Sweatpants?”
With a straight face, she said pajama pants were her only option. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll tuck them into my socks.” That night, I tossed and turned, feeling guilty for being complicit. After all, I was the one signing tuition checks for the men running the school. The next morning, I coated her legs in DEET and sent her off in the longest pair of shorts she owned, paired with knee-high socks.
What transpired next became a pivotal moment for our family. I decided to write a letter to the principal expressing my concerns about the “yoga pants rule.” I included research on the origins and implications of such restrictive dress codes. The principal, a gruff middle-aged man with a background in coaching, called me to discuss my concerns. His newly appointed assistant, an openly gay woman, was also present on the call. Hearing her voice gave me hope that I might find an ally in this matter.
The principal began by stating that yoga pants do not foster a conducive learning environment. He recounted a visit to a student suffering from an eating disorder, attributing part of her struggle to seeing other girls in tight clothing. As he spoke, I felt my anger mounting. It was astonishing that someone in his position could hold such misguided beliefs. When I requested evidence to back his claims, the conversation grew tense. He raised his voice, insisting that he didn’t need research; his observations in the hallways were enough. My hands shook with frustration.
“Actually, I have some research,” the assistant interjected. Relief washed over me—until she suggested that teenage boys couldn’t be held accountable for their reactions to girls in yoga pants due to their brain development, which doesn’t mature until age 25.
That was the breaking point for me. I assumed she would have a different perspective as a woman. By the end of our conversation, the principal reiterated that the rule wouldn’t change. In a follow-up email, he stated his goal was to “keep each and every one of our students as innocent as possible for as long as possible.”
This rule suggested that my daughters were inherently sexual beings, while simultaneously inferring that boys lacked the ability to control themselves around girls. It was a stance I could not accept. Ultimately, we decided to withdraw our children from the school, aligning our choice with our values. After our departure, the school quietly removed the contentious rule from their handbook without any formal announcement.
Now, firmly integrated into a new educational community, our family often reflects on that experience. It has empowered me, knowing that I have the unwavering support of my children and partner. My kids have learned to scrutinize rules and consider how they may favor certain groups. Most importantly, they bring any sense of injustice to the dinner table, where we collectively determine our values and the changes we wish to pursue.
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In summary, standing up against restrictive dress codes can be a significant moment in a family’s journey. It allows for the examination of societal norms and encourages open discussions about values and justice.