It was past 8:30 p.m., thirty minutes beyond Mia’s bedtime, and she was in the living room experiencing an anxiety attack. At nine years old, this was the fourth consecutive night she’d been awake long after her bedtime, feeling anxious because she struggled to keep pace with her 5th-grade classmates.
When Mia was diagnosed with ADHD nearly a year ago, I knew it would be a challenge. I understood that my partner and I needed to rally around her, providing unwavering support. Once we established a 504 plan for her, it seemed like a breakthrough. She could finally begin to keep up with her peers. However, with the transition to 5th grade, everything shifted, and she became a bundle of anxiety.
Despite having extended time on assignments, the social pressure of submitting her work after the rest of the class adds to her feelings of shame and frustration. These emotions tend to peak late in the evening, just before bedtime, forcing my partner and me to stay up late trying to soothe her.
I never anticipated this, and here’s why: I’ve been a parent for over a decade, and assisting my daughter in managing the anxiety linked to her ADHD has become one of my greatest challenges. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late twenties. As a child, I was simply labeled as “not smart,” and placed in lower-level classes, which led me to believe I was indeed unintelligent. I felt this deep down, and eventually, I resigned myself to the idea that I’d never succeed in school. I accepted failure as my fate, and none of that caused me anxiety.
However, Mia is bright. I know she is curious, articulate, and creative. Unlike my own childhood, we’ve been able to chart a course for her academic success. Although this is what every parent strives for, it doesn’t change the fact that she works at a slower pace than many of her classmates. And there’s truly nothing wrong with that—working slowly but finishing strong is perfectly fine. But Mia hasn’t realized this yet, and it’s causing her distress.
I’ve tried to reassure her countless times, but she still watches her classmates breeze through assignments in half the time it takes her. They finish tests and classwork quickly, while she carefully tackles her tasks. Despite her efforts, she often cannot complete her work during school hours, resulting in additional homework.
In 4th grade, these challenges didn’t bother her. Yet, as she moves into 5th grade, she’s becoming increasingly aware of her surroundings and feeling the pressure to conform to some notion of “normalcy,” whatever that may be, which has triggered a significant amount of anxiety.
Every evening, my partner and I set the pace for her. We use timers, allow breaks, and offer rewards. Yet, even with the backing of two loving parents who work in education, she feels overwhelmed and prone to emotional breakdowns, believing she isn’t measuring up to her peers.
This situation has permeated our lives. Each night, we engage in damage control, helping Mia calm down enough to finish the assignments she couldn’t complete during the school day. She stays up late to finish her work, which leaves her exhausted and makes it harder for her to concentrate in class. The cycle continues into the weekends, and it feels unending.
Let’s face it: parenting can be incredibly frustrating. Each of our three children is unique, but I must reiterate that navigating my daughter’s anxiety related to her ADHD has been a significant hurdle. It’s a topic that often goes unspoken, yet I am sure I can’t be the only one experiencing this.
Despite the challenges, I am immensely proud of Mia. At her age, I didn’t possess the same level of determination. She is fully committed to doing well in school, and all we can do is support her in that effort. Deep down, I fear she might give up, just as I did when I was younger.
We have reached out to her school and are set to meet with the principal and her teacher soon to reassess her 504 plan. I hope we can find ways to alleviate her anxiety and workload. Until then, we are fully committed to helping our daughter navigate the challenges of 5th grade, which leaves me pondering what other hurdles lie ahead as we support her with ADHD. Nonetheless, we will never give up on her, nor will we allow her to give up on herself. That, I believe, will be the true turning point for her.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting a daughter with ADHD has been a daunting task, especially as she faces increasing anxiety in 5th grade. Despite the support from her parents and a structured 504 plan, Mia struggles with feelings of inadequacy compared to her peers, leading to late-night stress and exhaustion. Parents must find ways to support their children through these difficulties while ensuring they don’t lose their determination to succeed.