During a father-son camping trip with my church community, I found myself sitting by the campfire, chatting with an old acquaintance. We had once been neighbors, so I was familiar with his character as a father and provider. He appeared to be a decent husband, too. However, when I shared that I hadn’t gone a single day without telling my wife I loved her over our 14 years together, he laughed dismissively.
He mentioned that he had been married for nearly 20 years and couldn’t even remember the last time he expressed his love verbally. Instead, he believed he showed his love through hard work and providing for their family. Well, that’s when I couldn’t help but scoff at his perspective.
While every marriage is unique, I shared my insights based on years of writing about parenting and relationships. I often receive messages from women seeking advice on how to “fix” their husbands. While “fix” might not be the right term, I’ve noticed a common theme in these communications.
Certainly, some messages reveal alarming situations involving emotional or physical abuse—these are the most heartbreaking to read. However, I frequently hear from women married to men resembling my campfire friend. These men are good fathers and providers, not abusive or cruel, yet they exhibit a sense of indifference towards their marriages. It’s almost as if, upon getting married, they checked it off their list, much like acquiring a new appliance. “I bought a washing machine, so now that’s dealt with.”
Now, consider replacing “washing machine” with “wife.”
I’m not suggesting that all men behave this way or attempting to analyze why they do. But I do know that a marriage requires ongoing effort—constant maintenance, reassurance, and investment. My marriage is my most cherished possession. I love my wife more deeply than anyone else, and that’s undeniable. Yet, amidst the chaos of life—juggling the kids, waking up at dawn for obligations, and collapsing into bed well after dark—it can feel as if we’re merely colleagues managing a shared project.
While working together through the challenges of parenting is undeniably beautiful, it often lacks romance and passion. Taking a moment each day to pause and express love to your partner—someone who is navigating life’s ups and downs alongside you—is essential.
And it’s not so difficult to say those three little words.
It’s important to recognize that telling your spouse “I love you” daily won’t fix a troubled marriage. It won’t address abuse or mend dishonesty. However, there’s a significant distinction between a monotonous relationship and a thriving one. Regularly affirming your love for your wife is a powerful reminder that she isn’t being taken for granted and that your marriage is not just a checkbox on a list.
Expressing love daily conveys appreciation for her contributions, signals that the spark still exists, and serves as a reminder to you as well. This may be the most crucial reason to say it—because during the exhausting days of parenting, a simple “I love you” can reinforce that you’re committed to each other for the right reasons.
I shared all this with my campfire companion, albeit less articulately. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t seem convinced. Yet, as we wrapped up our conversation and he headed back to his tent, I noticed him pull out his phone and send a text. I can only hope it was an “I love you” to his wife.
This article was originally published on Oct. 12, 2019.
For more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from Cleveland Clinic.
Summary: Expressing love daily is vital in maintaining a healthy marriage. While some men may believe their actions alone show love, verbal affirmations are essential to ensure partners feel valued and appreciated. Taking a moment each day to say “I love you” can strengthen the bond and remind couples they are in it together for the right reasons.