I found myself slumped on the couch, scrolling through my phone when my partner, Sarah, asked me something. When I finally looked up, her expression revealed her annoyance. It turned out she had posed the same question multiple times, and I had absentmindedly replied “sure” to something that required more than a simple yes or no.
She was inquiring about our upcoming weekend getaway, yet I was only half-listening, distracted by a text from a colleague. Earlier, I had also been busy scheduling posts for my work’s social media. None of these tasks were urgent, but like many working parents, I felt the pressure to wrap things up while at home, hoping to hit the bed a little earlier.
I glanced at Sarah, whose lips were pressed into a thin line and her hands placed firmly on her hips. Instantly, guilt washed over me, prompting me to set my phone aside. “I’m sorry,” I said, attempting to brush it off with a casual tone. “Yeah, I heard you.” I tried to convey sincerity, but I was aware that I often fail this “pop quiz” she gives me—where she asks me to repeat what she said, and I can never do it.
My interactions with my children are not much better either. A common refrain in our household has become, “Put your phone down, Dad!” I usually respond with a vague grunt, one that my family sees right through.
This time, however, Sarah chose to sit next to me at the table, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, “When you don’t listen to me, it feels like you’re saying I don’t matter.”
A heavy silence ensued.
I exhaled and reflected on the perpetual tug-of-war I experience between my professional and home life. I work in the academic sector of a Division I athletics program, which means my evenings are often filled with tutoring sessions and study tables. My schedule is erratic, and it’s not uncommon for me to receive urgent messages from my student employees. However, many of these communications could easily wait until morning. Yet, I struggle to detach myself from the work-related demands, leading to significant distractions at home.
If it weren’t for my smartphone, I’d likely be at the office much more than I currently am. Knowing I’m always on-call for emergencies keeps me tethered to my phone, and my inability to ignore every minor query is creating a real strain on my family life.
I often pride myself on being able to multitask as a working parent, but I’m starting to realize that I’m not as effective as I thought. Instead of being fully present, I find myself split between work and family, with my attention glued to my screen while trying to engage with my kids. Ultimately, I’m becoming an inattentive father and spouse.
I have no doubt that I’m not alone in this struggle. Like many working parents, I find it hard to admit my shortcomings. Until Sarah brought it to my attention, I hadn’t considered the message I was sending by not really listening to her.
One of the most important things a partner can do is listen, regardless of the topic at hand. Listening is a vital form of validation, yet I continue to battle distractions that prevent me from genuinely hearing what my wife is saying.
Looking at the bigger picture, I realized I was disregarding my partner of 14 years, the mother of my children, and the person I love most. That realization felt pretty rude, didn’t it?
Determined to change, I stood up, placed my phone across the room, and turned on the ringer so I could still hear important notifications without getting sucked into the endless scroll. I then sat down beside Sarah and said, “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant to convey.”
While I can’t claim she completely forgave me in that moment, I did give her my undivided attention, and she deserved nothing less.
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In summary, finding balance as a working parent is an ongoing challenge. It requires constant self-reflection and a commitment to being present for both work and family, even when distractions abound.