There’s a memorable scene from an early episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie Bradshaw goes on her first date with Mr. Big and they end up in bed together by the end of the night. In my twenties, I found the idea of sex on a first date to be quite shocking. Fast forward to my thirties, and particularly as a single mother, I’ve come to see it as a smart choice. With my busy schedule, I simply don’t have the luxury of waiting multiple dates to figure out if there’s sexual compatibility.
When sex happens on your own terms, the excitement of a first-time encounter becomes intoxicating. There’s an undeniable thrill in the air, and after building up tension during the date, the release can be incredibly satisfying. As my son’s primary caregiver, my time to date is limited, often fitting into the gaps when he’s with his dad or at school. Each date feels like a fleeting moment that I must fully embrace, making the decision to engage in sex on the first date feel almost essential. If we don’t seize the opportunity, who knows when it might come around again?
One of the perks of dating, especially now, is that I can quickly assess whether there is a physical attraction. If the chemistry is palpable, I won’t hesitate to act on it. Why prolong the inevitable? Embracing my desires has been liberating, but it’s taken time to shake off the societal conditioning that often accompanies female sexuality. For far too long, I grappled with feelings of guilt for wanting sex, especially early in a relationship.
Society bombards women with messages that having sex without a commitment will lead to disrespect. Terms like “slutty” or “trashy” are often thrown around, making it clear that exploring sexual desires can be stigmatized. From a young age, we are taught to understand our worth in relationships, but there’s a fine line between that and feeling ashamed for wanting to explore intimacy sooner rather than later.
My own struggles with this mindset were partly influenced by a friend in college who would shame me for casual encounters, suggesting that I lacked self-respect. Her disapproving comments lingered in my mind long after those relationships faded. In my first serious relationship, I held back on sex, fearing it would hinder our future together—even though we both felt an undeniable attraction. We ended up together for six years, proving that those early fears were unfounded.
As I resumed dating last year, I consciously worked to silence those negative thoughts. Recognizing sexual chemistry as a natural component of relationships helped me feel empowered. If having sex on the first date feels right, why should I feel guilty? The confidence that comes with knowing what I want is one of the best aspects of dating in my 30s. If I want to engage sexually, I’m going to pursue it without concern for others’ opinions. Ultimately, what happens in my personal life is my business alone.
Not every relationship has to lead to deep emotional commitments; sometimes, people are simply looking for a physical connection. If that’s the case, why wait? We shouldn’t let outdated societal norms dictate our happiness. Having sex on the first date doesn’t label you in any negative way; it signifies confidence and a willingness to pursue what you desire. As long as both partners are consenting adults, embrace the moment and enjoy!
For more information on navigating relationships, check out this excellent resource from IVF Babble and explore terms and conditions on related topics. If you’re on a fertility journey, Make A Mom is a great authority to turn to.
Summary
The perspective on sex on the first date evolves with age and experience. As a single mother, the urgency to connect intimately has grown, leading to a more liberated and confident approach to dating. Society’s stigmas around casual sex can create internal conflict, but recognizing and embracing sexual chemistry can pave the way for fulfilling connections. Ultimately, the importance lies in consent and personal happiness.